The presidential campaign has been going on long enough. As a voters' guide, here is a distillation of the major issues and differences between the candidates.
Seven reasons to vote for George Bush:- He's tall - 6-2. The country's had good luck with tall presidents. Bush is the same height as George Washington. A tall president tends to stand out at gatherings of world leaders. Bush would be able to loom over most foreigners.
- Since the next Senate will be Democratic and the House overwhelmingly Democratic, a GOP president is needed to keep Congress from running wild.
- "Bush" is an easy name to work with. High school students would not be embarrassed by those surveys that show they can't remember or spell the name of the current president. Headline writers will be pleased. Foreigners can pronounce it.
- Bush has extensive experience in foreign affairs. As head of the CIA, he spied on many foreign nations and as vice president he helped invade one.
- He has good manners. If George Bush were president, you would never have to hound your children to write thank-you notes. They would clean up after they eat and listen respectfully while you talk. They would stand up for their elders.
- George Bush would bring joyful enthusiasm to the office of president - kissing babies, wearing cowboy hats and Indian headdresses, driving speedboats and forklifts.
- He is not Michael Dukakis.
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Seven reasons to vote for Michael Dukakis:
- Michael Dukakis is short - 5-8. We've had good luck with short presidents - James Madison was only 5-4. Dukakis would tend to reassure the Japanese and our other friends on the Pacific Rim by not looming over them at gatherings of world leaders.
- As a Democrat, Dukakis would be able to work effectively and harmoniously with a Democratic Congess.
- He has a great nickname - "Duke." It's short, punchy and macho. The country hasn't done real well with presidents with bland nicknames - Jimmy, Jerry, Dick. Yell "Yo, Duke!" and the president of the United States and nine German shepherds come running.
- Dukakis brings no baggage and preconceptions to the field of foreign affairs - a plus he would share with Ronald Reagan and Franklin Roosevelt as he comes into the Oval Office.
- Dukakis would teach a whole generation the virtues of self-discipline and hard work. Under a Dukakis administration, adults would clean and oil the lawnmower before they put it away in the fall. Children would do their homework without threats and violence.
- Dukakis would bring needed solemnity and somberness to the office of president. He would not hug women at random, wear funny hats or operate heavy equipment.
- He is not George Bush.