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His mission is to explain the female mind to that half of the population that doesn't have one. The Guy Spy, secret agent, reads "Cosmo" and hangs out in beauty parlors, and then comes in from the cold to decode his top-secret information.

"The Guy Spy's work is never done. The lonely battle against male ignorance is eternal," explains The Guy Spy's alter-ego, comedian Bill Kalmenson, who does his decoding in comedy clubs around the country.Kalmenson is in Salt Lake this weekend, appearing tonight and Saturday at Comix, 2201 S. Highland Dr. (in the rear). Shows are at 8 and 10:30 p.m. Tickets are $6.

Kalmenson, who lives in Los Angeles, has appeared at L.A.'s Comedy Store and at Catch A Rising Star in New York City. He has also had recurring roles in both "L.A. Law" and "thirtysomething."

The comedian/actor says his Guy Spy persona was born during his time in "the relationship burn ward," when he looked around and noticed that there were too many men who didn't understand women - men who were still trying to be vulnerable and sensitive and were getting nowhere.

"The Spy Guy stops at nothing for information about the fairer sex. In the wee hours of the night he can be found deep in study decoding and interpreting female strategic manuals such as `Cosmo,' `New Woman,' `Self' or `Ms.' "