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DEATH TO ALLEGED SUSPECTED FLAG-BURNERS!

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I realize that I'm a little late getting on this flag-burning bandwagon, so before anybody accuses me of being a subversive element, let me state that I am in favor of the death penalty. This would apply to:-Flag-burners,

-Suspected flag-burners,

-Alleged suspected flag-burners and of course

-Reputed alleged suspected flag-burners.

You can call me a courageous patriot if you want, but that's how I feel. And don't try to tell me about the Bill of Rights. I am sick and tired of the way the Supreme Court and various other suspected communist organizations are constantly quoting from the Bill of Rights, as if it were the Bible or something. I happen to have seen the Constitution, and let me tell you something that you may find shocking: It's not typewritten. It's not even on legal-size paper. In fact - brace yourself - there is reason to doubt that the Constitution would fit on a standard fax machine. So we have to ask ourselves quite frankly whether it should be considered a legal document at all.

Also I understand that it is very old, having been written approximately 500 years ago by Founding Fathers such as James Madison and Thomas Edison, who, although they were very brilliant in their day, had no way of understanding how important the flag would some day become in this country as a sacred symbol of patriotism, automobile dealerships, etc.

Fortunately we are blessed today with a massive steaming heap of national leadership, starting right at the top with President George "I Pledge Allegiance" Bush. When the Supreme Court issued the flag-burning decision, the president immediately took time out from his busy horseshoe schedule to propose a much-needed constitutional amendment that would prohibit the vice president from talking in public. No! Wait! Wrong much-needed amendment! Mr. Bush's amendment would prohibit flag-burning, and it immediately received strong support from the members of Congress, who took time out from their busy schedule of investigating each other to hold an urgent debate on the flag issue. Here is a transcript of this debate:

FIRST CONGRESSPERSON: Moo.

SECOND CONGRESSPERSON: Mooo.

THIRD CONGRESSPERSON: Mooooo.

And so it went, all night long, a massive patriotic herd of congresspersons courageously standing up on all four legs in front of hot television lights to defend the flag. This is of course their job. Because they represent the people, by gosh, and the polls showed that the people were very upset about the Supreme Court decision. Of course that was weeks ago. More recent polls show that the people are more into "Batman." In fact it wouldn't surprise me if the president proposed a constitutional amendment declaring "Batman" to be the Official National Caped Crusader. And speaking as an Opinion Leader, let me say that I would favor such an amendment. Unless of course you don't. Drop me a line and let me know what I think. Moo.