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Twenty-five questions (and just as many answers) about everything you ever wanted to know about the Brigham Young University football program (and weren't particularly afraid to ask on the post-game call-in show) . . .

Just what is it that LaVell Edwards does down on the sidelines anyway? He listens to Willie Nelson on a WalkMan, and when his players come off the field he asks important questions such as, "Did your parents get their tickets to the game OK?" and "Whaddaya say the name of that play was?"What will happen if Ty Detmer doesn't cut it? Plan B: Introduction to the wishbone.

Who, in your opinion, is really in charge down there? Shirley Johnson, the football office secretary.

Is it true, what one BYU athletic administrator said, that if you buy lunch for a sports writer, you've got him for life? This most assuredly is not true. You have to throw in dessert, too.

Is there any significance to the jersey number 9? Traditionally, the player who wears No. 9 is ornery, good and a non-Mormon. However, the current No. 9, Chad Robinson, meets only two of those qualifications.

What do you think is the No. 1 improvement BYU has made this year? Fashion wear. The coaches have traded in their polyester Sans-A-Belt slacks for the cool comfort of cotton.

In your opinion, who will be among the finalists to be the next head coach at BYU? Former team doctor Brent Pratley or former Miss America Sharlene (Wells) Hawkes, I can't decide.

What is it that Roger French is yelling down on the sidelines each Saturday? OhMyHeck. Fetch. Flip. The Provo basics.

Is it true that the Cougars have only five running plays in their offense? No, it certainly isn't. They don't have that many.

How can BYU consistently recruit blue chip players? Move the campus to California.

Perish the thought, but is there anything that could hasten LaVell Edwards' retirement? One more call-in show.

Do you think Ty Detmer is special? Absolutely. And his roommates, too.

How do you feel about covering the Cougs? It's been special.

Who do you think is most responsible for BYU's success in recent years? Mrs. Joy Bellini.

Do you think the Cougars want to get out of the WAC's Holiday Bowl commitment? No. They want to get back in.

Who calls BYU's plays? Shirley Johnson.

I'm an aspiring journalist; could you give me a few tips yu for interviewing BYU football coaches? It's probably never a good idea to mention running up the score, Percodan, holding calls, leaving the WAC, quarterback controversies, and overage returned missionaries.

How is it that LaVell Edwards gets along with everyone so well? You'd get along with everyone too, if they did everything you wanted.

How did Dick Felt, BYU's defensive coordinator, get such a head of snow white hair? It was Holiday Bowl V.

What is the most amazing thing you've seen while covering the Cougs? The four-hour football game.

Could you give me a simple explanation of the halfback's role in BYU's pass offense? Piece of cake. The halfback goes out for a pass unless the linebacker is coming, in which case he remains in the backfield to protect the quarterback, although sometimes it has been predetermined that even if the linebacker does blitz, he will go out for a pass, and as to where he goes on his pass pattern that depends on what the linebacker does. And that's what a halfback does.

With his busy schedule, how does Coach Edwards find time to eat and sleep? He does a little of both during the call-in show.

Where did the Cougars go wrong the past couple of years? They won the national championship.

Just how tough is Bob Davis really? He drives 6-inch nails through a 2-by-4 with his forehead, just for fun.

What's your favorite part of covering college football? The free lunches.