THE BIG GUY at the end of the table had to get out of his chair several times to let someone by. As Utah basketball Coach Rick Majerus got up the third time, there was a fat joke on the way and everyone knew it.
UTEP Coach Don Haskins, stomach hanging over his western belt, was the first contestant, commenting on how big he had heard Majerus is. "I'm disappointed. He's not nearly as big as they said," com plained Haskins. "I'm still the fattest guy in the league. He was supposed to be really big, but he's not nearly as big as our FAT women's coach sitting back there."In the back of the room, UTEP women's coach Craig Roden shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
Turn on the laugh track. Get out the note pads. It's time for the annual WAC basketball media day, which was held Monday in El Paso.
This isn't a preview, it's an audition. Making the grade in the WAC isn't a matter of coaching, it's a matter of finding a good script writer. Get a hold of Carson and Sajak and Arsenio. These guys do monologue.
If the Western Athletic Conference isn't improving in ability, at least it is becoming a place to gather material for late night television and The Comedy Club. This year there's no more Ladell Andersen, droning on about respect for basketball in the West. He's been replaced by a far more energetic and quotable Roger Reid. There's no more Lynn Archibald churning out bland, sincere coachspeak. Utah now has the funny man from the Midwest, Majerus, to do the entertaining.
This week's WAC meetings had a little to do with basketball and a lot to do with yuks. It wasn't Monday afternoon at the WAC media day; it was Saturday night at the Improv. Air Force's Reggie Minton, observing Wyoming's physical style of play, said his team will wear tear-away jerseys when they play the Cowboys. Wyoming Coach Benny Dees responded that Air Force "could be a great basketball school, but they've got Minton coaching them."
Most of the coaches weighed in with a joke or two, but before long it was a two-man race between Majerus and Wyoming's Benny Dees who, perhaps not coincidentally, have two of the worst teams in the league.
Majerus was on first, complaining about his team talent and then getting into the schedule. "I can't wait to play Hawaii," he said. "I get me one of those Aloha shirts, I'll look like a billboard."
While still on the beach theme, Majerus explained that there were other places he had been interested in coaching at. "I always wanted to go to Santa Barbara, coastal California, and lay on the beach," he said. "Except people kept pushing me back in the water."
Full-figured jokes weren't limited to coaches. On 275-pound sophomore Walter Watts, Majerus said, "He's the only guy on the team that weighs more than me. He lost 10 pounds, but that's like throwing a deck chair off the Queen Mary."
In the spirit of standup comedy, even San Diego State's taciturn Jim Brandenburg got off a line. His team doesn't pose any threat to win the league - the Aztecs were picked to finish dead last - but they do have a few advantages. "One damn thing we do have is a beach," said Brandenburg to Majerus, "so come on down."
Once the season starts, the coaches get more serious. Joking while losing 15 or 16 games isn't easy. But for now everyone is undefeated and hot nights under hot lights are still far away.
WAC basketball has been a mostly laughing matter for several years. Since 1981, when BYU went to the Elite Eight and Utah made it to the Sweet Sixteen, the WAC has been a lightweight when it comes to playoffs. Except for Utah in 1983 and Wyoming in 1987, no WAC teams have even made it out of the sub-regionals.
That, however, hasn't daunted the league's coaches, who remain good humor men. Until the arrival of Majerus, Dees was the undisputed king of the one-liners. Now he has competition. But he wrapped up the day strong by complaining loudly about his team. "We're not very good. We're just not very good," he said.
He went on to describe how he got some of his players, including one who called Dees by accident, thinking he had a different school on the line. Another "got his underwear in a wad" over his status after signing at Arizona, he changed his mind and went to Wyoming.
When the afternoon had ended and the laughter died out, everyone was in a good mood. The theme was "Don't worry. Be happy." It's only November. The hard part will be keeping the laughing down once the playoffs begin.