Like many parents, Melissa Gaskins wanted the one-on-one contact her children could receive in day care at a private home.
But her experiences with a woman who cared for her older children - twins who are now 7 years old - had not been good."On Mondays she'd be out of town. She wouldn't call me the night before, so here I am frantically running around trying to find somebody to watch the kids so I can go to work."
She finally opted to send the twins to a day care center.
Recently, she tried home day care again - this time for 15-month-old Maryann and 8-week-old E.J.
"My biggest worry is if they're going to have good care," said Gaskins, a data transcriber for the Internal Revenue Service in Covington, Ky.
"They're still just babies. At a day care, they're fussing with four or five kids each. They need more attention than that."
At her new home day care she feels they're getting what they need.
Finding someone to trust with your children is not easy, child care experts agree.
Start by looking at the personality and qualification of potential caregivers, said Sallie Westheimer, executive director of Comprehensive Community Child Care. Ask for and check references, she said.
"The thing to look for first has to do with the warmth and comfort of the person with children."
Take your children with you when you meet with potential providers. See how they interact.
"It's wonderful if a parent can go during the time that there are other children there to observe how the provider works," Westheimer said.
Beverly Drye, who helps link providers and parents through a home day care program sponsored by Cathedral Child Development Center in Covington, Ky., remembers one rewarding visit with a potential provider.
One of the children in the day care bumped his head, then flew into the provider's arms for comfort. Drye knew she'd found a winner.
"He knew he was going to be consoled by this person and loved by her," Drye said. "She had to earn that trust - or he wouldn't bother."
Parents should discuss their attitudes about child rearing and expectations from day care.
"One of my big questions as a parent I would ask is, `What are you going to do with my baby all day?' Does she plan her days? Is she organized."
Communication is essential.
"It's very important for parents to make their expectations clear to the provider," Westheimer said.
"Be careful not to stew about what the provider is not doing, if you have not made it clear that that's what you would like the provider to be doing."
While visiting the home, check out the environment. Is it safe and healthy for children.
"A lot of parents go in and see the house is clean," Drye said. But parents should be more concerned about sanitary methods of changing and disinfecting diapers and safe play.
"You're not looking for Ethan Allen furniture," she said. "Parents need to open their eyes wider than just the decorating of the home . . . The setting isn't enough. It's the individual that's touching and holding the child. She's got to have a lot of energy and an understanding of child development."
Once you've found a quality day care provider, treat her with respect and be aware of her needs.
"If you don't meet their needs, they're going to quit," Drye said. "It's one thing to find quality child care. It's another to keep it."
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A guide to selecting a care provider
Here's a parents' guide to selecting and keeping a family day care provider:
Screen applicants on the phone. Ask about the caregiver's background, including job stability and experience with children. Check several references.
Meet and evaluate applicants. Does the caregiver seem competent and friendly? Observe the caregiver with your child. Do you and your child feel comfortable with this person? Compare ideas on child-rearing.
Interview topics should include the caregiver's background and experience with children. Does she have a stable work record without gaps? What are her expectations for different ages of children? What are her daily plans for active and quiet play? What is her approach to discipline, use of television, meal and nap routines? Discuss fees, hours of service, overtime, vacation, holidays, sick days and emergency plans.
Look at the caregiver's home. Is it clean and safe for children? Are firearms out of children's reach, electric sockets covered? Does she use sanitary procedures when serving food or changing diapers?
Once you select care, work out an agreement (preferably in writing) defining everyone's responsibilities. Set work hours, agree to fees and policies.
Give the provider emergency phone numbers and the child's medical history.
Stop by unannounced to see how your child is doing. Question the provider about your child's daily activities; encourage her to keep written records, such as of books the children read, songs they sing, games they play.
Treat a provider as you want to be treated at your job. If you treat her like a professional, you'll keep her longer.