DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a bridal shower for a friend and gave her two beautiful nightgowns. (Not cheap, either.) She and her boyfriend became engaged shortly after she found out she was pregnant.
A week before the scheduled wedding, she called it off because she found out her fiance was using drugs heavily, and he told her that he had no intention of quitting.She phoned me to tell me the wedding was off, then she asked if I wanted my gifts back.
I told her she could keep them if she wanted, or she could return them for the money, since times would be tight for her with the baby coming.
Should she have kept them or not? I felt she put me on the spot by asking me if I wanted them back.
What is the correct thing for an ex-bride to do in that situation? - EX-BRIDE'S FRIEND
DEAR FRIEND: When a wedding is called off, the "ex-bride" should return the shower and wedding gifts.
However, in this case, the ex-bride asked you if you wanted your gifts returned, and you suggested that she return them for cash because "times would be tight," which was a very generous gesture on your part. Please don't fault her; she's facing a difficult future.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been very happily married for 14 years and have four children. My problem is my parents, who take frequent vacations and short trips.
Every time they return from one of their trips, they bring some kind of gift for each of our children and me - but there's never anything for my husband.
Although he has never said anything, I can tell he feels hurt. I would prefer that my parents bring presents for the children only and nothing for me if they can't bring something for my husband. My parents are very loving and generous people, but I'm afraid if I tell them how I feel, they might think I am ungrateful.
What do you think, Abby? Perhaps if my parents (or other people who are guilty of the same thing) read this letter, they will remember to bring something for everybody in the family - or nothing at all. - HURTING FOR HUBBY
DEAR HURTING: Tell your parents how you feel. Don't assume they might think you ungrateful. If they are truly "loving and generous people," they will appreciate your calling this oversight to their attention and admire you for your sensitivity and caring attitude for your husband.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to know if it is proper etiquette to put on a wedding invitation, "Adult Reception Only" and also, "Monetary Gifts Preferred." I think that is so tasteless and would like to know if things have changed since I married. - APPALLED OUT EAST
DEAR APPALLED: Nothing has changed. Only those whose names appear on the wedding and reception invitations are invited. And to suggest that "monetary gifts" are preferred is in the worst possible taste.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "IN A GREAT RELATIONSHIP IN LAKE CHARLES, LA.": The best advice I can give you is to use these three phrases as often as possible: I love you. Thank you. I'm sorry.
-Problems? Write to Abby. For a personal, unpublished reply, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. All correspondence is confidential.