Loneliness. The word itself is its own rebuke. Not solitary, not alone, not single, all of which we often are and sometimes choose to be. But loneliness carries with it a feeling of sorrow, a pang of regret.
Few of us choose to be lonely, yet the Church is full of lonely people, people who need our companionship and interest more than any other gift we could bestow.Who are the lonely among us?
- They are the single parents struggling to raise a family without the comfort of someone with whom to share their children's progress. Most of them are mothers, who must be both breadwinner and homemaker.
- They are the elderly, now in the final years of a life of sacrifice and service. Many live alone in their own homes, while others, less able to care for themselves, are in special homes or long-term care facilities.
- They are single men and women, living among people whose activities and conversation seem to be dominated by family concerns.
- They are the sole members of their family to join the Church. In their faithfulness they must reconcile their own spiritual needs with those of their families and friends, whose emotional support varies from support to hostility.
- They are the members who, feeling unworthy, are not able to participate in the activities of the Church. They may be restricted from doing so because of transgression, or they may impose the restriction upon themselves. In either case, their need is stronger than it has ever been.
- They are the new families in town, hoping to make new friends to replace the ones they left behind. In the meantime they watch others cautiously for signs of acceptance.
- They are the ill, some bedridden in hospitals, others at home and burdened with disabilities that keep them from participating in the full spectrum of Church activities with their friends and family.
- They are the members left alone by death of a loved one. In their grief they turn to friends for solace, knowing that even kindness cannot fill the emptiness of their hearts.
- They are the parents whose children have in some way caused them anguish. Now they seek ways to avoid awkward conversations with their friends, and often sit apart.
- They are the children whose parents do not come with them to Church, but who nevertheless come each week, strengthening their testimonies alone, wishing their parents were with them.
- And many, many more. In short, they are many of us. And what do they - and we - need? Empathy, understanding, company, a few words of acknowledgment, a visit.
The Apostle James knew this well when he wrote: "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." (James 1:27)
James knew that the visit is more important than the thought, that doing is infinitely better than intending, that religion is pure only if it is practiced.
Another prophet who knew about loneliness was Moroni, who found himself alone as few ever have. After the destruction of the Nephites, he wrote, "My father hath been slain in battle, and all my kinsfolk, and I have not friends nor wither to go; and how long the Lord will suffer that I may live I know not." (Mormon 8:5.)
Clearly, the feeling of being lonely is not one from which any of us are immune. For members of the Church, the message should also be clear: to see the problem is often to see its solution.
President Ezra Taft Benson, speaking specifically to the elderly in the Church in October Conference, admonished them to become involved in such areas as temple work, missionary service, writing family histories, working with their families and accepting Church callings.
He admonished priesthood leaders to be sensitive to the Spirit in meeting their spiritual, physical, emotional and financial needs. That counsel can be applied to all the lonely.
He also gave this advice, which all can benefit from: "The key to overcoming aloneness and a feeling of uselessness for one who is physically able is to step outside yourself by helping others who are truly needy. We promise those who will render this kind of service that, in some measure, you will be healed of the loss of loved ones or the dread of being alone. The way to feel better about your own situation is to improve someone else's circumstances."