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DEAR ABBY: I was visiting at the home of an old friend yesterday afternoon when her teenage granddaughter ran in - not to say, "Hello, Grandma, how are you?" or, "What can I do for you?" Instead, she said, "Sorry I can't stay; I'm meeting some friends at the mall - I just came by to drop off my list." (It seems that "Sandra" was disappointed with Grandma's choice of gifts last Christmas, so she made up a list of things she wanted - and didn't want - this year.)

My friend said: "Just a minute, dear. Before you give me YOUR list, I'd like to give you MY list so you will know what I want and don't want for Christmas."Sandra looked shocked. Then she said, "Gram, you know I don't have any extra money to spend on gifts for you, but if that's the way you're going to be, you can just forget that you ever had a granddaughter!" And with that, she exited in a huff, slamming the door behind her!

My friend looked at me, smiling, and said, "Well, how did I do? I'm sorry you had to witness that, but I'm fed up with these grasping kids. I just had to put her in her place."

Any comment, Abby? - PARK AVENUE NEIGHBOR

DEAR NEIGHBOR: Lest you think all teenagers are alike, read this:

DEAR ABBY: I just received a Christmas gift from my 17-year-old granddaughter. It was a facsimile of a legal document, hand-drawn by her. It read:

"My dearest Grandma: As you know, I am saving every dollar I earn to go to college, but I am prepared to honor any and all of the following chores as my Christmas gift to you: Do your laundry, clean your house, mow your lawn, shovel your walk, wash your windows, polish your furniture, run your errands, drive you anywhere for the whole year. Call me anytime, day or night. - Your Loving Granddaughter, Melanie"

DEAR ABBY: You had a letter in your column from an 80-year-old grandmother who was overwhelmed by the thought of shopping for her many children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I have a gift suggestion that would be treasured more than gold or jewels by almost everyone.

Grandparents should sit down and dictate into a tape recorder the memories of their childhoods, their parents, their birthplaces, stories told to them by their aunts, uncles and cousins about the "old country," and anecdotes about their most comical memories, their proudest moments or their saddest.

Perhaps they could describe a typical day at school or work - how much things cost, what they wore, how they felt when they got their first automobile, TV, etc.

With all those memories on tape, perhaps someone could type it up. It could be as simple as photocopied sheets, or as fancy as a little printed book titled "Grandma's Memories." Copies to each family member would be priceless and cherished.

I've asked my parents to record their recollections on tape for me. I can't think of a more personal, special gift, because once they are gone, so are their recollections and "pearls" of wisdom.

Hope you like my idea, Abby! - ANNE FASCIO, MONTEREY PARK, CALIF.

DEAR ANNE: Like it? I love it! Thanks for giving me a priceless idea I can pass on to my readers.

CONFIDENTIAL TO YOU: Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. Deck the halls with matzo balls! Have a wonderful holiday, but if you're drinking, don't drive, and if you're driving, don't drink.

"How to Write Letters for All Occasions" provides sample letters of congratulations, "thank you," condolences, business letters - even how to write a love letter! It also includes how to properly address government officials, dignitaries and others. To order, send your name and address, plus check or money order for $3.50 ($4 in Canada) to: Abby's Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)