Lying occurs millions of times each day - in family, social and professional situations. Sometimes the act of telling a lie is actually kind and considerate, an attempt to save someone embarrassment. At other times it wreaks havoc on both personal and professional relationships.
It is fairly easy to lie verbally, with words. It's nearly impossible to carry through non-verbally. When we lie, our words are inconsistent with our body language. When the inconsistency is noticeable, people believe the body language. If someone says, "I don't mind if you smoke," and at the same time sighs, rolls their eyes or grimaces, the obvious message is that they do mind. Body language gives them away.The reason for this, according to Paul Ekman, a psychology professor at the University of California at San Francisco and the author of "Telling Lies," is that the emotion being felt isn't the same one that's being expressed with words. Imagine, for example, that you are sadly disappointed upon receiving an orange and purple wool plaid scarf for your birthday, but you say, "Oh, a pretty new scarf. Thanks, I really love it." The emotions you are expressing are not in keeping with what you are really feeling.
Even when emotions aren't the subject of the lie, there will be emotions about the lie - strong feelings of fear about getting caught, guilt about being dishonest or what Ekman calls "duping delight." That's the excitement some people feel when putting something over on another person. These emotions are very hard to conceal.
Pinocchio's family and friends had it easy. When he lied, it was as plain as the nose on his face. While the physical signs of dishonesty aren't generally so obvious in real life, people do let clues slip. If you're looking and listening, the clues or sighs are apparent in the voice, the face and the gestures.
-The voice is pitched higher or lower than normal. If angry or afraid, the voice gets higher. If feeling guilty or sad, the voice gets lower. To rely on this clue, you have to know what the person's voice sounds like under normal conditions.
-The person speaks at a different speed, usually faster.
-The same information is repeated several times.
-The face is flushed, possibly perspiring.
-Eyebrows raise or go up at the inner end, and eyes widen.
-Eye contact is poor. The eyes shift, generally to the left and pupils may be dilated.
-Dark sunglasses are often worn to mask eye contact.
-Lips become tight and narrower.
-The person swallows harder and more noticeably.
-Partial or fragmented gestures are typical. The beginning of a gesture slips out, much like a slip of the tongue. The individual catches himself before completing the gesture.
-A hand covers all or part of the mouth when the information is given - an unconscious attempt to muffle the words.
-Respiration and pulse rate increase. More rapid breathing is noticeable. These responses are nearly impossible to control.
No single sign by itself indicates that a person is lying. Nervous habits and gestures are the norm for some people. But when several of these clues or signs are seen together, be on your guard. The verbal message may be a lie.