DEAR ABBY: My family is torn apart. They resent my youngest son. "Andy" is 35 years old and deaf, so I have to give him special help. He just moved back home with my husband and me after his second divorce. My husband is furious because Andy doesn't do anything to help me out, but he's tired from working - so I do his chores.
Andy got drunk and totaled his car, so I bought him a new one and told him he doesn't need to pay me back; I'd rather he saved his money.I take care of Andy's daughter when she visits so he can have some time with his friends. It's only every other weekend, so why does my family get so upset? They say Andy is irresponsible, and I am his problem! Can you believe that? Andy's sister is hard-working and very responsible. She's a success and doesn't need me like her brother does. I don't know why she's mad at me for helping her handicapped brother. If she'd help more, I wouldn't have to.
Please set them straight, Abby. - DISTRAUGHT MOM
DEAR DISTRAUGHT MOM: I know you mean well, but I can understand why your family is so upset with you. They feel that you are enabling Andy to act irresponsibly by doing too much for him. And they are right. Perhaps if you were not always there to rescue him, he would be stronger and more self-sufficient.
Andy will not always have you around to look after him. Please, Mom, give him the gift of independence by doing less for him so that he can do more for himself.
DEAR ABBY: This concerns "Hurt Daughter," whose father had "accidentally" left her name off his will, naming only her brother and sister as beneficiaries. She wanted her father to include her name, but he didn't want to pay the $150 it would have cost to rewrite his will. "Hurt Daughter" offered to pay the $150, but her father assured her that her brother and sister would be fair to her, since they knew his wishes.
Baloney! I say, "Revise the will now!" My grandfather died three years ago. He had also told everyone his "wishes," but those wishes were not stated in his will. His estate will take a long time to settle, not to mention the attorney's fees, which will be horrendous since a lot of money is involved.
To everyone: Do not assume that your wishes will be carried out regardless of how many people know them. Update your will. They say that blood is thicker than water. True - but money is thicker than blood! - BEEN THERE IN PHILADELPHIA
DEAR BEEN THERE: Sounds like sound advice to me. Nobody knows the territory better than the person who's been there.
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine was picked up and arrested for raping a 24-year old woman he had dated twice. He had sex with her the first time he took her out. He said she was easy. The second time he went out with her, she gave him the high-and-mighty act and refused to have sex with him. He got angry, and I guess you could say he overpowered her.
Now he's got a rape charge against him, which I don't think is fair. It seems to me that if she was willing to have sex with him on the first date, there is no way she could be raped by him after that.
Am I right or wrong? - A FRIEND OF HIS
DEAR FRIEND: Wrong. If a person (man or woman) is forced to have sex against his or her will - it's rape.
C) 1990 Universal Press Syndicate