Tess, take a letter.

Now Tess, I know you're a junior executive now on Working Girl (7:30 p.m., Ch. 2), but just for old time's sake you can type up one more letter for me.To: Tom Patchett and Kenneth Kaufman, executive producers.

Re: Your new show, "Working Girl."

Gentlemen:

I don't know if you've noticed, but not all movies translate well into TV series. For every "M*A*S*H," there's a "Private Benjamin" and a "9-to-5."

And this is no "M*A*S*H" we're talking about here. What happened to the laughs?

Taking the two-hour movie and boiling it down to 23 minutes for your opener wasn't a great idea. And who decided to give Tess parents? Not only are they boring, but they weigh down the show and give it a schizophrenic look - not enough time is spent with either Tess' co-workers or with her family.

As a matter of fact, this show is full of schizophrenics. (Maybe you should have tried for a sitcom set in a psychiatric ward.)

Tess' father tells her not to bother trying for an executive position one minute, then turns around and become Mr. Supportive the next. Tess' boss, Bryn Newhouse, shifts from cold-hearted witch to Miss Warmth. And Tess herself vacillates between sharp and businesslike and flighty and emotional.

Sandra Bullock, who's taking on Melanie Griffith's role in this series, is certainly adequate, given the material. But she reminds me more of Nancy McKeon (Jo on "Facts of Life") - who dropped out of your show - than Griffith. As a matter of fact, your Tess reminds me more of Jo than of the Tess in the movie.

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Nana Visitor, who plays Newhouse, has the almost impossible task of making her both terrible and lovable. A.J. Trask (Tom O'Rourke), who you compare to Donald Trump, acts more like Mr. Rogers. I will say, though, that Edye Bird does a good job imitating Joan Cusack's Libby.

I know this is a revolutionary thought for TV, but you might have been better off trying a fresh idea rather than imitating a movie.

Sign it, "Sincerely Yours," so on and so on. Thanks Tess.

What's that? No, I don't know of any jobs that are coming open after your series runs its 13-week course.

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