If you want to learn the "zucchini method" of playing the piano or need sheet music to "Furry Lice" by Beethoven, the Carl Fischer store is the place to go.
Customers who fracture the language and the lyrics don't deter the music-trained salesclerks - but it helps if they can hum a few bars."It's better than when they tell you they're looking for a certain music book and all they know is that it's green," said Larry Heidel, floor manager at Carl Fischer, which stocks 610,000 titles and bills itself as the world's largest music store.
Just before closing time Monday, Heidel and two salesmen stood at the counter as a young woman sang, "I love you," then dropped off into a hum.
She was the fourth hummer of the day at Fischer, where singing, whistling and tapping on the counter are acceptable substitutes for knowing the name of what you want.
"A lot of them are just like your average Joe who takes his first piano lesson, and his teacher tells him to get something but he doesn't write it down," said salesman Tom Potter. "Or people hear something on the radio and don't catch the title."
Then there's that business about music being the universal language of mankind. "A lot of times titles are in foreign languages - and people somehow put them into English," Heidel said.
A customer once asked for "Christmas Intruder" when he wanted "Christmas Intrada." Another requested "Furry Lice" instead of "Fuer Elise."
"Wash it Off" was really "Wachet Auf" by Johann Sebastian Bach, and the "zucchini method" of piano playing is the Suzuki method.
Once the goal is clear, salesclerks may have to search through an inventory that would stretch a mile high if stacked. It includes everything from classical to gospel to heavy metal.
The business, named after its founder, was started in 1872 in New York.
Printed music is Fischer's specialty. The department that sells guitars, metronomes and refrigerator magnets in the shape of clarinets is just a sideline.
Fischer employees - including Heidel the symphonic trombone player and Potter the tenor - are one of the company's strengths.
A sense of humor helps, too.
"Some people can't carry a tune," said Potter, a tenor with the Chicago Symphony Chorus who works part time at Fischer.
"If I worked part time as a waiter and heard people sing like that, I might have thrown a pie in their face," said Potter, who claims to have a 70 percent success rate at figuring out what a customer wants.
Potter said one of the most-requested songs in the past year has been "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler.
Or, as one customer called it, "The Wind Beneath My Legs."