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DEAR ABBY: I am one of four secretaries in a very busy office. Our boss is wonderful. So what's the problem? His wife.

She calls nearly every day, asking questions we would prefer not to answer. For example: With whom is "Mr. L" having lunch today? What time did he get to the office this morning? What are Mr. L's travel plans?We think if Mr. L wanted his wife to know these things, he would have told her. Of course we give her as little information as possible, but she is very persistent.

We don't want to be rude, but she is getting on our nerves. Any ideas? - FED-UP FOURSOME

DEAR FED UP: On the chance that your boss doesn't view his wife's questions as infringements on his privacy, tell your boss that you are unsure of how to answer these inquiries, and let him decide how they should be handled.

DEAR ABBY: Our 24-year-old daughter has been living with a young man for two years. They recently became engaged. My husband and I were very hurt when, on the advice of their friends, they did not think it was necessary to ask for our blessings.

The groom's parents did not approve of their living together and gave the news of their engagement a very cool reception. We were not happy about their living together, but we love our daughter and have tried to be supportive.

Now our daughter expects us to give her a large, expensive wedding. (Her girlfriends have had large, expensive weddings, but they had not been living with their fiances prior to the ceremony.)

Do you feel that a large extravaganza is appropriate in view of the fact this couple has been living as husband and wife for two years? Or would a smaller, more modest celebration be more suitable under the circumstances?

Your candid expertise would be appreciated. - TRYING NOT TO BE OLD-FASHIONED

DEAR TRYING: A wedding is a gift that some parents traditionally bestow upon their daughter, but nowhere is it written that they have an obligation to do so. Under the circumstances, I think a smaller, more modest celebration would be more suitable. But your daughter and her fiance are entitled to have any kind of wedding they wish - providing they are willing and able to pay for it.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me how to introduce my ex-daughter-in-law. We are very close and see each other often. We run into friends quite a bit when she is visiting. Do I say, "This is my ex-daughter-in-law, Annie"?

I would greatly appreciate your help. This has been puzzling me for quite some time. - HER EX-MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR EX: Just introduce her as "Annie, my son's former wife."

C) 1990 Universal Press Syndicate