DEAR ABBY: I am very tired of hearing parents complain that their adult children are "living with someone." I am currently living with my fiance, and I am having the same problem with my parents.
I was a model child. I never missed a curfew or sneaked out of the house. I was an honor student in high school as well as being involved with varsity athletics, choir and my church. In college, I excelled as well. I have never touched drugs - not even as an experiment - and my parents have never been called to the police station to pick me up for any reason.I have a great job and so does my fiance, and we are both well over 21. Do my parents ever tell me how proud they are of me for my accomplishments? No! Every time we speak, they remind me of how much they disapprove of our living together. My fiance and I are going to be married soon, and we didn't start living together until we became engaged. (By the way, there is no baby on the way.)
Abby, I think all parents of children like me should thank God that their children are alive, healthy, drug-free and succeeding in their careers. I almost wish I had done some major drugs in the past so that when I told them that I was living with someone, they would have said, "Is that all - we're happy you aren't doing drugs anymore!"
I think today's parents focus too much on premarital sex. We could be doing worse things - namely drugs. Sign this . . . SOMEBODY'S DAUGHTER
DEAR DAUGHTER: Congratulations for having been a model child as well as a decent, drug-free adult.
The problem here is the generation gap. Your parents are uncomfortable with the knowledge that you are enjoying all the pleasures of marriage without the benefit of clergy. The fact that you will be married "soon" doesn't make it any more palatable. They imagine that "everyone" (their friends and relatives) knows that you are "living in sin" - and they can't handle it.
If you are as adult as you claim to be, you will tune out your parents' disapproval, continue to be their loving daughter, and judge them not for their condemning attitude.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl. About two years ago, my mother sent for your booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." At the time I thought: "What do I need this dumb booklet for? I know everything I need to know!"
A couple of months ago, while cleaning out my drawers, I came across the booklet and read it intently for the next hour. A lot of things you mentioned, I still didn't know anything about until I read it. You were so straightforward and direct, you really got through to me.
Since last year was my first year of high school, I didn't know much about drugs and never even thought of having sex. Last month, my boyfriend (now my "ex" boyfriend) asked me to have sex with him. I flat-out turned him down. Then another boy asked me to get "high" with him one day after school. Thank God I had the strength to say no. Your booklet showed me the real dangers of sex and drugs and how to say no to both.
The last two pages, "A Letter to Parents," telling parents what their teenagers want from them, was really, really great. Even my mother liked it. Thanks, Abby. - YOUR FRIEND FOR LIFE IN MOLINE, ILL.
DEAR FRIEND: Thanks for a great letter. It made my day, my month, my year.
Dear Abby's Cookbooklet is a collection of favorite recipes - all tested, tried and terrific! To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada), to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)