DEAR ABBY: I am a 61-year-old bachelor who never married because I took care of my widowed mother, who just died at the age of 93.

I am somewhat withdrawn and never had any girlfriends, although I'm told I'm above average in looks.I am acquainted with a gal who looks about 30 and used to work in my bank. We were both invited to the same party last Christmas, and I haven't seen her since because she's not at the bank anymore.

I sent her some flowers for Valentine's Day and she wrote me a very nice letter thanking me. (I'm enclosing a copy of it.) Should I call or write to her to thank her for the note and ask her to dinner?

I have about $140,000 in the bank, so I could probably afford a wife if I could get one. Or do you think I'm too old to be considered eligible? - BASHFUL IN ARIZONA

DEAR BASHFUL: I think you're too ELIGIBLE to be considered OLD. From her note I would say she is panting to date you. Don't waste any more precious time. Call and ask her to dinner!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I do not get along very well. In fact, if it weren't for the kids, I wouldn't live within 1,000 miles of this idiot. We are both artists, and my husband specializes in Western art now, and he has been selling his paintings before the oil is dry on the canvas. I don't mean to put him down, but my work is much better than his even if it doesn't sell half as well. The public just happens to be going for gimmick art.

I can hardly stand it when my husband sells a painting. For one thing, he has a way of gloating that makes me want to put my fist right through his face. I wish I knew how to get over this envious attitude. Can you help me? - ENVIOUS IN MONTANA

DEAR ENVIOUS: Of all the emotions, envy is the most difficult to control. Since you don't even like your husband, and are competing with him professionally to boot, it will be doubly difficult to curb your envy. Keep telling yourself that envy is an "acid" that does more damage to the container (you) than to the object of your envy (him).

DEAR ABBY: The clan gathered at my sister-in-law's house for a holiday dinner. Everyone was nice and friendly until Sis turned to me and in a very loud voice said, "Say, what color would your hair really be if you didn't dye it? Gray?"

Taken completely by surprise, I said the first thing that came to mind: "I'll tell you what color my hair really is if you tell me how much you really weigh." (Sis is very fat. She says she has a thyroid condition, but she eats constantly.)

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Well, things got pretty hot around there, and now the whole family - including my husband - is furious with me for insulting the hostess.

I don't see why her privacy is any more sacred than mine, but if you think I should apologize, I will. - NOT IRISH FOR NOTHING

DEAR IRISH: Even though she struck the first blow, you were childish and unkind to have struck a lower one. If it will restore peace in the family, apologize.

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