I hired a woman I know, who lives down the street from us, to clean house. She came by the evening before she started, and we went over what to clean and what to leave. The following day she cleaned and did an excellent job, or so we felt at the time.
The next morning, my husband was having a shower and noticed that our shower door was all streaky. It seems that she cleaned the door, which is specially treated, with some kind of new cleaner that ate away the frosted stripes on the inside.I was devastated. That was our new bathroom, which we had just completed. She had told me that she cleaned two other bathrooms with the same shower unit, so I trusted that she knew what she was doing.
I called and explained the problem, and she was nice about it and said she would pay to have a new piece of glass put in. She wanted to pay for all of it, but knowing that it would probably be around $80, I decided to pay half, even though I don't feel it was my fault. Her fee for the day was $35, and she insisted that I put it toward the piece of glass. Should I send her the $35? Should I expect her to pay half or should I foot the bill myself?
My husband was upset with me, as he didn't feel I should have told her. Her husband won't let her clean for me any more. To complicate things, her mother is my dressmaker (and one I treasure), and I am afraid there will be hard feelings.
GENTLE READER - If someone offered you a responsible cleaning woman, a dressmaker and an approving husband, all for an $80 finder's fee, would you accept? That is the offer Miss Manners is making you, provided you turn over $35 to the cleaning woman, along with a note of appreciation for her offer and for the work she did.
One of the trials of domestic employment is that employers do not have the perspective common in other businesses, where the possibility of a reasonable mistake, especially in a new employee, is built into the situation. You do not want a slapdash cleaning person who treats breakage lightly. But a competent person such as you describe should graciously be allowed a mistake or two.
DEAR MISS MANNERS - I married into a family that I'm still striving to understand. My in-laws direct all mail and calls for my husband and me to his business. Keep in mind that I do not live at my husband's business, and his family has our home address.
Not only do I view this as ill-mannered, but 90 percent of the time my husband fails to bring the cards and such home, and his relatives get upset with me when we fail to respond. Recently my mother-in-law faulted me because I did not respond to a birthday-party invitation for our 2-year-old nephew - but the invitation never made its way to our home.
When I send them cards, they call my husband at his business to thank us. Am I correct in assuming that it's bad manners for them repeatedly to direct mail to my husband's shop when I've asked them to respect our home, and even worse manners for my husband never to bring mail home?
GENTLE READER - Yes, you are correct in assuming that it is bad manners to direct personal mail to your husband's office, and worse manners to berate you for not having answered it.
But your husband's ploy of not remembering to bring the letters home seems to Miss Manners a masterstroke of diplomacy.
It is not necessary to get into an argument about whose fault it is or why they are doing this. You have only to retrain them by responding: "Oh, dear, I'm so sorry - the office mail just goes through the office. Heaven knows what they do with it - I know I never see it. If you send things to me at home, I promise you they'll be answered."
DEAR MISS MANNERS - Would you be so kind as to discuss the travel etiquette that is appropriate for randomly grouped tours (as opposed to a group of old friends, alumnae, neighbors, etc., who have chosen to travel together).
I found it irritating to be asked personal questions, e.g., about marital, financial or physical status, by absolute strangers. Nor did I enjoy being forced to look at grandchildren's pictures when I had paid to see the scenery in a new environment. It was worse than being captured by a boring seat-companion on an airplane - it lasted longer.
GENTLE READER - Much as Miss Manners sympathizes with you in your desire for privacy in general, and freedom from intrusive questions in particular, she cannot allow you to feel victimized by sociable grandparents. You may keep to yourself if you make it politely clear that you wish to do so, but group tours presume acquaintanceship.
You may head off overtures with "Forgive me, but I came out here to think, and I'm just not very good company," if you promise Miss Manners to accompany this with a sweet, regretful smile.
Feeling incorrect? Address your etiquette questions (in black or blue-black ink on white writing paper) to Miss Manners, in care of the Deseret News. The quill shortage prevents Miss Manners from answering questions other than through this column.