Being a good friend, and having good friends, is important to all of us. George Eliot wrote about how it feels to have a friend:
Oh, The Comfort - the irrepressibleComfort of feeling safe with a person;
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words - but pouring
them all right out - just as they are
- Chaff and grain together -
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them -
Keep what is worth keeping-
And with a breath of kindness
Blow the rest away.
The First Presidency gave excellent counsel concerning the influence friends have on us. "Everyone needs good friends. Your circle of friends will greatly influence your thinking and behavior, just as you will theirs. When you share common values with your friends, you can strengthen and encourage each other." (For the Strength of Youth, p. 9.)
An example from the scriptures of friends who shared common values is the story of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego. These young men were commanded by an unfriendly king to eat certain foods that were against their "word of wisdom." Daniel asked that they be given food that was good for them. For 10 days he and his friends were allowed to eat the food they requested. Their countenance became "fairer than all the children which did eat the portion of the king's meat." (Dan. 1:13.)
A modern example of friends who strengthened each other occurred in the lives of nine young men who lived in the same ward in eastern Utah. Barry Woodruff and his friends were active in the Church and participated enthusiastically in its programs. When they started high school, four or five of the nine young men began missing Church meetings and other activities; occasionally at first and then more frequently. They became involved with other youth in the community who had a negative influence on their behavior and attitude toward the Church.
Barry and the other four boys talked about how they might help their friends. They decided to plan some special activity each week to involve their wayward buddies. They also agreed to do all they could to encourage their friends to keep the Word of Wisdom. The friendship that bound these young men together allowed those who were strong in the faith to encourage those who were temporarily weak. Eight of the nine young men later served honorable missions, and all were married in the temple.
The friendship continued through the years. Each summer the nine friends and their families meet to renew their friendship and to recommit themselves to help each other in their quest for eternal life.
In addition to helping our friends live the gospel, the Lord wants us to treat everyone with kindness and dignity.
When the Lord asked Cain where his brother Abel was, Cain replied, "Am I my brother's keeper?" Today we hear the same response but in different terms: "It's none of my business." "I don't want to get involved." "I don't care!" "If they are not into Church that's up to them."
On the other hand, King Benjamin taught, " . . . when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17.) The First Presidency asked: "Invite your non-member friends to Church . . . help them feel welcome and wanted. . . . many non-members have come into the Church through friends." (FSY, p. 9.)
Great things will happen to us and our friends as we invite them to learn about the gospel and come to Church activities with us. The experience of Alinda Allen and Lisa Greentree Miner illustrate the blessing we receive through sharing the gospel. Alinda loved Brother David Robinson's seminary class and wanted Lisa, her non-member friend, to be part of the love and spirit she felt in the class. Alinda told Lisa about the class and encouraged her to enroll. At the semester break, Lisa's schedule changed, allowing her to take seminary with Alinda and she enjoyed the class very much.
As time passed, Alinda prayed often that she would know how to help her friend know the truth. She gave Lisa a copy of the book of Mormon and encouraged her to read and pray about it. Alinda said she had "perfect faith" that Lisa would receive an answer. However, it was some time before anything happened.
One night, Lisa was praying hard for a witness that the gospel was true. That same night, as Brother Robinson prepared his lesson, he felt impressed to share a scripture with his class about Joseph Smith's struggle to know the truth. When Lisa heard Brother Robinson read the scripture the next day in seminary, she turned to Alinda and asked how the Church got started. They turned to the Joseph Smith story in the Pearl of Great Price and quietly read it together while the class went on around them. When the bell rang to end class the two young ladies continued reading; right through the lunch period. As they read, Alinda received the most wonderful witness of the Spirit that she had ever experienced, and knew that Lisa was being touched by the Spirit also. As they walked back to school together, Lisa said, "I think I believe this is true."
Lisa received the missionary discussions with Alinda and her family. As Lisa's understanding and testimony grew, she asked her mother for permission to be baptized. Skeptical of Lisa's new-found faith, her mother suggested that Lisa spend some time in Iowa with her grandmother. Lisa took her mother's advice, and spent two wonderful months discussing religion with her grandmother. During these discussions, Lisa discovered she could defend the things she had come to believe. Several weeks after returning to Utah, Lisa was baptized. Three years later Alinda experienced the joy of being with Lisa when Lisa was married in the Salt Lake Temple. They are still friends.
Lisa is currently serving as president of the Young Women in her ward. As she works with the girls, she often refers to her journal and shares with them the entries she made as she struggled to find the truth and the influence of a wonderful friend.
Being a good friend is part of living the gospel of Jesus Christ. It cannot be separated from other gospel principles. The light of the gospel can influence our friends as they respond to our sincere example.
William George Jordan explained it this way: "Man radiates what he is . . . not what he pretends to be. Every man, by his mere living, is radiating sympathy, or sorrow, or morbidness, or cynicism, or happiness, or hope, or any of a hundred other qualities . . . to exist is to radiate; to exist is to be the recipient of radiation. . . . Man cannot escape for one moment from this radiation of his character, the constantly weakening or strengthening of others. . . . He can select the qualities that he will permit to be radiated. He can cultivate sweetness, calmness, truth, justice, loyalty, nobility - make them vitally active in his character - by these qualities he will constantly affect the world."
Let each of us come to the Lord and receive the wisdom and strength to be a good friend and to have good friends.
*****
Points to remember
- Choose good friends with whom you share common high standards.
- Go out of your way to help shy friends.
- Treat everyone with kindness and dignity.
- Invite your non-member friends to Church activities.
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About the author
Robert B. Arnold is a member of the Young Men General Board. He teaches Sunday School courses 16 and 17, and is Explorer post adviser in the Jordan 6th Ward, Salt Lake Jordan Stake.
He served as president of the Guatemala-El Salvador Mission and as president of the Salt Lake Jordan Stake.
He is employed by the Church Educational System as an associate area director and is a member of the Granite School District Board of Education.
He graduated from the University of Utah, and received a master's degree from BYU.
Brother Arnold grew up in Granger, Utah. After returning from a mission to Chile, he married Gwenda Wells. They are the parents of five children.