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DEAR ABBY: I am having a problem with my ex-wife. During our marriage, I caught her cheating four times. She swears she still loves me and only me. (We still see each other.) She comes over and spends the night with me every once in a while, and we have sex together, even though she has been engaged to a man in Florida for more than a year. He has money and buys her very nice gifts. (He just bought her a '91 Camaro.)

The problem is, I still love her and would like to get back together if she would only let go of the "money man." Should I let her go or keep trying to get her back? - A TOUGH DECISIONDEAR TOUGH DECISION: Let her go. She's using you (for sex) and using the man in Florida for whatever she can get out of him. If you were to get her back, what would you have? A promiscuous gold digger who can't be trusted.

DEAR ABBY: Twice recently, my daughter (the eldest and married) asked me to intervene in her behalf concerning some disagreements she has been having with some of her siblings.

My answer was, "No, please try to work it out yourselves." She then told me that it was my duty to intervene. I disagreed, saying I was not going to take sides - I wanted to be on friendly terms with all my children and their spouses.

Her husband then sent me a nasty letter calling me "ignorant and selfish" and saying I could no longer write to - or speak with - my daughter!

Abby, was I wrong in refusing to intervene? - PROBLEMS ON THE HOME FRONT

DEAR PROBLEMS: No, I think you used good judgment in remaining neutral. Now, about your name-calling son-in-law: He does not speak for his wife - unless, of course, she has authorized him to be her representative. Has she?

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are happily married. We both agree that our family is complete and we do not want any more children. We use birth control but nothing is foolproof, and just the thought of another pregnancy makes me shiver in my boots!

The reason my husband hasn't gotten a vasectomy is because we haven't been able to find out if such measures are right in the eyes of the Lord. We are members of the congregation of a very small Christian church, and I just can't bring myself to ask our minister. Can you please help us? - SHY IN COLORADO

DEAR SHY: Perhaps you would feel more comfortable consulting a clergyperson of your faith in a neighboring town. Or you could write to the district office of your church and inquire.

DEAR ABBY: Reading in your column that you put your glasses on when you answer the phone prompts this letter.

Even if it's dark, when we need to hear, we put our glasses on. Regardless of how strange it may seem, we hear better with glasses. This theory has been tested, and it's true. - R. KAY IN L.A.

Most teenagers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada), to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)