Remember this statement as your kids trek back to school this year: "Blessed are the teachers, for they have endured much."
Yes, I admit that the statement is not one of the Bible's familiar beatitudes, but perhaps it should be, for good teachers are the salt of the earth who must endure much.Just look at "A Teacher's Perspective," one of those anonymous photocopied fliers that are such a big part of modern urban folklore. It's a humorous take on the lessons that Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount, as reported in chapter 5, verses 3-12, of the Gospel According to St. Matthew.
I have several copies of the flier that I found on school bulletin boards or being passed around in teachers' lounges.
After quoting several of the well-known biblical blessings on the poor in spirit, the meek, the merciful and so forth, this piece of Xeroxlore then gives the typical students' - or in this case, the disciples' - reactions:
Then Simon Peter said, "Are we supposed to know this?"
And Andrew said, "Do we have to write this down?"
And James said, "Will we have a test on this?"
And Phillip said, "I don't have any paper."
And Bartholomew said, "Do we have to turn this in?"
And John said, "The other disciples didn't have to learn this."
And Matthew said, "May I go to the boys' room?"
And Judas said, "What does this have to do with real life?"
As if this were not enough harassment from the class, "A Teacher's Perspective" also quotes one of the Pharisees, who supposedly was present and who demanded to see Jesus' lesson plan, and then inquired of Jesus, echoing modern educational jargon, "Where are your anticipatory set and your objectives in the cognitive domain?"
The flier concludes, "And Jesus wept."
The other piece of photocopied lore that teachers often weep or chuckle over this time of year is the one headed "Rools of Grammore." This flier begins in the form of a letter that reads:
"Dear Sir:
"You never past me in grammore because you was prejudice but I got this here athaletic scholarship anyway. Well, the other day I finely got to writing the rule's down so I can always study it if they ever slip my mine."
The "rools" follow - usually 15 of them - and the joke is (though I hope I don't have to explain it!) that each rule is broken in the very same statement in which it's given.
Here's a typical list of all 15 rules:
1. Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
2. Just between you and I, case is important.
3. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
4. Watch out for irregular verbs which has crope into our language.
5. Don't use no double negatives.
6. A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
7. When dangling, don't use participles.
8. Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
9. Don't write a run-on sentence you got to punctuate it.
10. About sentence fragments.
11. In letters themes reports articles and stuff like that we use commas to keep strings of items apart.
12. Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
13. Its important to use apostrophe's right.
14. Don't abbrev.
15. Check to see if you any words out.- "Curses! Broiled Again," Jan Harold Brunvand's fourth collection of urban legends, is now available in paperback from Norton. Send your questions and urban legends to him in care of the Deseret News.