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HUSBAND'S STINGY WITH HIS KIDS BUT GENEROUS TO DANCE TEACHER

DEAR ABBY: I need your help, and hopefully soon. My husband has been taking dancing lessons for two years. His teacher is two years older than our oldest grandson.

This teacher phones my husband day and night - at all hours. She always needs money. He has given her money for a car, a down payment on a house, a TV for her kids, money for trips to visit her sick mother, and the list goes on. (He has plenty of money; all inherited.)Yet he won't give a penny to help our children or grandchildren. It makes me so angry, I could pull his gray hairs out!

I want this business with that dancing teacher to stop, but I'm not sure how to do it. We're Catholic, so divorce is out. - MISERABLE IN MOLINE

DEAR MISERABLE: You need more help than I can give you in a letter. You don't say how you feel about your husband. Talk to your priest. Also to a family counselor. If your husband refuses to see a counselor, go without him.

Do you want to stay with him? Perhaps when he finds out how much it will cost if you decide to leave him (I didn't say "divorce" - I said "leave"), he may change his tune.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a widow for six years. My late husband and I were friendly with a couple who were our neighbors for many years. The wife died last year, and I gave "Harold" a lot of attention - as any longtime friend would do.

We have so much in common and would make a wonderful couple. I have been teasing Harold about getting married - but he refuses to take me seriously.

The other night when I mentioned marriage he said, "Oh, stop talking about marriage - I'm impotent!" Then I flat out told him it was fine with me because I never cared much for sex anyway. Even that didn't budge him.

Abby, I know there is no other woman in his life. How can I get Harold to realize I am serious? I am not interested in his money, because my husband left me as well off as he is. I am 68 and Harold says he is 70. - LOVING MY NEIGHBOR

DEAR LOVING: Invite Harold over for a candlelight dinner and tell him that you are serious - that both your lives would be much richer if you had someone to share them with. Assure him that you are not after his money, and the matter of impotence doesn't bother you as long as he enjoys cuddling. Then stop talking and listen carefully to what he has to say, and you'll have your answer.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, you printed a quote by Thomas Jefferson concerning religion.

I clipped it and misplaced it. I read through many Jefferson biographies and found several quotes on religion, but not the one you cited. Will you please run it again and cite the source? - MAURICE T. IN PALM SPRINGS, FLA.

DEAR MR. T.: According to my records, from a letter written by Thomas Jefferson to Mrs. H. Harrison Smith in 1816, came this gem.

"I never told my own religion nor scrutinized that of another. I never attempted to make a convert, nor wished to change another's creed. I am satisfied that yours must be an excellent religion to have produced a life of such exemplary virtue and correctness. For it is in our lives, and not from our words, that our religion must be judged."

Most teenagers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)