Facebook Twitter



They were offered a small table next to mine. The teenage boy, helpless from the attention, fumbled to seat his female friend. She was gently pretty sitting in her taffeta evening gown. His tuxedo beamed ceremoniously, conspicuous with a red rose boutonniere. The young woman's corsage, too, was particularly noticeable. It was obvious at first glance: This was a special occasion.

She probably bought her dress, but he may have only rented his tux. She probably would save the beautiful corsage he had bought for her. Promised memories from well-staged pictures would also be captured, saved and framed in her scrapbook.My sister bought her wedding dress. My brother-in-law borrowed his tuxedo from a little, narrow formal wear store.

Thinking back on all the money I've spent on rented tuxedos, I should have bought one by now.

Do men sometimes seek refundable deposits from relationships that could be saved and enjoyed for a lifetime? Should I have purchased a tuxedo as a symbol of my commitment to romance? Perhaps the difference between men and women may not be huge, but a purchased evening gown or wedding dress vs. a tuxedo sent back to the cleaners shows a difference in gender perspectives all the same. Lasting relationships require lasting investments, something often overlooked by men.

All too often some men believe that the dating activity or the event itself is a legitimate effort toward intimacy. But wining and dining a woman almost always reflects a clumsy attempt to bolster rapport, token gestures of closeness.

I believe that some men try to become sensitive to the feelings of the women they date, but sometimes the date activity gets in the way. To a man, getting serious may not always mean commitment but may mean just taking a serious look at an overemphasis on dating formalities, and too little attention to things that really improve the quality of the relationship.

What if we stopped trying to impress women and started trying to communicate with them? If men would just realize that you cannot rent intimacy.

The little couple left a small tip before they shuffled out of the restaurant. I, myself, am glad I took note of them.- The Deseret News welcomes comments from readers on this topic or others pertinent to the Single-minded column. Please address letters to Single-minded, c/o Marianne Funk, Deseret News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, UT 84110; or contact her or the writer of the column at 237-2100.