DEAR ABBY: I have been in the United States a little over a year, and I cannot understand the hypocrisy of you Americans.

I am not here by choice - my husband was transferred here for two years by his company. We are both French-born.Before arriving here, I read up on America and was surprised to learn that you spend billions of dollars a year on your pets, which made me very happy because we had to bring our dog with us.

Since I've been here, I've discovered that Americans actually hate dogs! Why, then, do you spend so much money on them? While traveling with my husband, we have not been able to eat in any restaurant because they won't let our dog in with us, and we can't leave him in the car because a locked car gets too hot.

I decided to go into one of your supermarkets to buy food to eat in the car, but they wouldn't let me in with our dog. Then to make matters worse, one of your states (North Carolina, to be exact) would not let us stay in a motel with our dog. We had to sleep in our car! People we met from that state told us they had smuggled their dog into a motel room. (How do you smuggle in a full-grown standard poodle?)

I was told to write to you because many Americans read your column, but I'm withholding my name, because my husband's company might not appreciate my outspokenness. - NAME WITHHELD

DEAR NAME WITHHELD: The question you raise is basically one of cultural difference. Dogs are allowed in more public places in France than in the United States. You're wasting your energy trying to fight it.

A full-grown standard poodle is approximately the size of a small pony, so it's understandable why it's difficult to accommodate dogs of that size. However, some American motels welcome pets. The AAA Auto Club can tell you which motels accept pets. They are listed in AAA tour books - available at local offices.

The Quaker Oats Co. also offers a handy directory titled "Touring With Towser" (cost: $3). Send check or money order to: Quaker Professional Services, 585 Hawthorne Court, Galesburg, IL 61401.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since TV stations began showing that ad for a security system designed for elderly people who live alone and may need assistance because they have "fallen and can't get up," there has been a veritable deluge of jokes based on that theme.

Recently, the cable comedy channel ran a whole string of excerpts from various comedians' routines that treated this misfortune as a joke - and everyone laughed and laughed! I am simply astounded at the ignorance and insensitivity of these so-called "comics."

A few weeks ago, my father, who is in his 80s and a semi-invalid, fell in the bathtub and couldn't pull himself up. My mother, who is also in her 80s and very frail, couldn't help him. Finally, they called 911 for help. The paramedics who came were very compassionate and tactful, but can you imagine how embarrassing it must have been for a once strong and independent man to be reduced to this?

One day, when these thoughtless young people are no longer young and strong, something like this may happen to them. I hope they remember their words and have the decency to be ashamed.

You can sign me . . . T'AINT FUNNY, McGEE, IN PHOENIX

DEAR T'AINT FUNNY: Goethe, German poet, novelist and playwright (1749-1832), said, "Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what they think laughable."

"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)