DEAR ABBY: A few days ago, I gave a bridal shower for "Sally," who has been my best friend since junior high school. I invited 44 women, which included our mutual friends and all the women in Sally's family - even her great-grandmother, who just celebrated her 88th birthday.
Without my knowledge, Sally's future sister-in-law (I'll call her Carole) surprised me by hiring a male stripper to entertain at my shower. In the course of his dance, this male stripper removed every stitch of his clothing. Several women walked out in the middle of the performance. Sally's elderly great-grandmother was so embarrassed, she hid her face in a napkin.Of course, several women hooted, laughed and applauded loudly and thought it was wonderful. The help even came out of the kitchen to have a look.
Well, the day after the shower, Carole called to say that she was short of money to pay the stripper, and would I mind chipping in $25?
Abby, I can afford the $25, but the stripper was not my idea, and I don't think I should be asked to chip in to pay him.
I've asked a few of my friends, and some thought I should chip in to pay for the surprise entertainment, and others thought I shouldn't. What do you think? - PAULA (NOT MY REAL NAME)
DEAR PAULA: Since you didn't hire the stripper, you shouldn't have been asked to "chip in" to pay him. You paid for everything else, and you should not have to help pay for entertainment you neither planned nor enjoyed.
DEAR ABBY: For the last year and a half, I have been in an exclusive relationship with a very fine widower. He has three grown children. His wife passed away seven months before we became involved. (My husband had been dead for eight years.)
Ours is a strong, loving relationship that I am sure will eventually end in marriage. We both had good marriages. His lasted for 23 years, mine 10 years.
Now the problem: Not only does he still wear his wedding ring, he also wears his wife's high school graduation ring on a chain around his neck. He never takes it off - not even to shower. This makes me uncomfortable in certain situations.
I've mentioned this, but he continues to wear it. Since he has proclaimed his love for me, why is he still wearing those items?
Also, when he marries me, where will the wedding band I intend to give him be worn? We aren't just going steady; we have a lifelong commitment. - IN LOVE WITH A "MARRIED" MAN
DEAR IN LOVE: The man who has proclaimed his love for you, and with whom you believe you have a lifelong commitment, may not be as committed to this relationship as you are.
He's still wearing "those items" that symbolize his attachment to his deceased wife because he is not yet ready - or able - to let go.
DEAR ABBY: Please suggest a polite way to correct someone's grammar. That "someone" is a middle-aged man with whom I am romantically involved. He has a fine character and is wonderful in every way - but unfortunately, he did not have the advantage of a high school education. - ARIZONA LADY
DEAR LADY: First, ask that "someone" if he would appreciate a few corrections in grammar - privately, of course. If he's as wonderful as you say he is, he should welcome your help.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long (business-size), self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)