DEAR ABBY: Enough limericks but if you will, please correct the public's misperception that Edward Lear (no relation to Norman) invented the limerick. He merely popularized the CLEAN limerick - and only because his "Book of Nonsense" caught the public's fancy in 1863, although its first publication in 1846 made nary a ripple.

The clean limerick fad lasted only five years, but the genuine article still exists (and has for several centuries) as the main vehicle for vulgar doggerel. Please refer to the excellent, scholarly work "The Limerick" by G. Legman (Bell Publishing), which has a comprehensive introduction, tracing the history of this verse form, and gives 1,700 examples of genuine limericks. With few exceptions, they are vulgar, salacious and unfit for family newspapers. In short, indicative of the true nature of the beast.Abby, I know I said "enough limericks" - but they are addictive, aren't they? Example is Professor Morris Bishop's masterpiece:

The limerick is furtive and mean,

You must keep her in close quarantine,

Or she sneaks to the slums

and promptly becomes

disorderly, drunk and obscene.

- V. APPLEMAN, FREEPORT, TEXAS

DEAR V. APPLEMAN: I have received many naughty and bawdy limericks from my readers. Some are so steamy they should be stored in a fireproof vault. Now here's one that's slightly suggestive, but quite witty:

Said a potentate grown and despotic

"My tastes are more rich than exotic.

"I've always adored

"Making love in a Ford

"Because I am auto-erotic."

DEAR ABBY: I read a letter in your column from someone who was thrilled when the Salvation Army found a lost relative. I am bothered by this. Suppose somebody doesn't want to be found?

Several years ago, by my own choosing, my "family" ceased to exist. I moved to another part of the country, changed my name, and have made no contact with them, nor do I want any. (Please, save the lecture, Abby - I didn't write for that reason.) I have never for one minute regretted my choice.

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I doubt very much that any relative of mine has ever expressed the slightest curiosity as to learning my whereabouts. But if one does, I do not want the Salvation Army, or anybody else, sticking their nose in my business, giving out information of my whereabouts to people who did not show any interest in me in the past. Sign me . . . I AM NOT LOST

DEAR NOT LOST: Have no fear or trepidation; the Salvation Army is not in the business of disclosing the whereabouts of people who do not want to be found. Before making a search, the Salvation Army gets sufficient information to ensure that it is not invading anyone's privacy. And, if a family member is located who prefers to remain "lost," the Salvation Army will respect that person's privacy.

CONFIDENTIAL TO VICE PRESIDENT QUAYLE AND MURPHY BROWN: Thanks for giving our nation a much needed belly laugh. (No pun intended.)

1992 Universal Press Syndicate

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