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I WISH I'D SAID THAT

Mark Twain gets credit for a lot of sayings. But some are things he didn't really say, according the San Francisco Examiner. Mark Twain's greatest non-sayings include:

Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.A gold miner is a liar standing next to a hole in the ground.

I don't exaggerate. I just remember big.

So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it, but I couldn't find honest employment.

It is better to be careful a hundred times than to be killed once.

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people go on talking while you're interrupting.

If you can't go to sleep, try lying on the end of the bed. Then you might drop off.

When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati because it is always 20 years behind the times.

When I feel the urge to exercise, I go and lie down until it passes.

If you don't like the weather, wait a minute.

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.