In today's world, with people coming and going in a family, it's hard to stay in touch. Stickum notes - those little pieces of colored paper with "stickum" on the edge - are a handy way to bridge differing schedules, to put your point across, to add a little humor or to say "I love you."
John G. Hubbell, author of the article "Stickum Up, Love!" uses stickum notes as a principal means of communicating in his family. He notes: "In my pantheon of heroes the man who invented stickum note pads ranks right up there next to Alexander Graham Bell."Take the message, he says, that he found scrawled on a stickum pad to his oldest son from one of his siblings: "Your car ran out of gas. It's parked on 47th near Grand. I don't know anything about it." The note, posted above the phone, was signed "Anonymous."
Or the unsigned missive to him: "Dad - some guy called and said it was really important. I think he said he was in Washington. I forget his name."
Or the frank exchange between two of his daughters: "Just because you have early classes and get up ahead of me doesn't mean you can wear anything you want! I expect my blouse to be in my closet washed and ironed by dinner time if you know what's good for you! By the way, Jeff came and you weren't here so I took your gray skirt and matching hat and mittens and went skating with him. Thanks. Love!"
And, Hubbell says, note her sister's reply: "You thief, you meatball, what unspeakable gall!!! Taking my clothes and my boyfriend to go skating!!! I expect them to be returned immediately or you can expect to find your crummy blouse, which I don't even like, cut into streamers for the homecoming game! Am I getting through to you, Bride of Frankenstein!!???"
"There is no question about it," emphasizes Hubbell. "These stickum notes bring families closer together." In fact, he was so impressed with the way his kids had learned to compose notes that he joined forces. Grabbing the notepad, he inscribed his own message in bold, black, felt-tipped pen: "Any flutterbrain who writes me another message like `Some guy in Washington called and said it was really important. I forget his name' will be ruthlessly hunted down, found out and utterly destroyed! Love to all, Dad."
Hubbell's point is actually well taken. Stickum notes can bring families closer together. They can be used to patch up differences, to apologize, to influence someone to do what you want, to get the job done or to keep a small misunderstanding from escalating into a big deal. So why not get your stickum notes out and add a light touch to your family life?
In the meantime, read on for other examples, extracted from the "Reader's Digest" over the years, of ways other families have used stickum notes to their advantage:
- "My husband frequently leaves me notes about things to do, and it bothers him when the reminders go unnoticed. One morning I saw a dollar bill on the kitchen counter. Closer inspection revealed this note under it: `Sweetheart - Don't forget to put the temporary registration in the car window. P.S. The dollar was to catch your attention.' "
- "When I had a severe attack of tonsillitis and found it painful to speak, I took to writing notes to my family. One particularly bad day I scrawled a note asking 12-year-old Simon to get bread from the store. He couldn't decipher my handwriting, so I snatched the note back and wrote in very large letters: `GET SOME BREAD.' He read it again and said, `Okay, Mom. There's no need to shout.' "
- "At lunch break, I described to my co-workers a silly fight I had with my husband just before leaving for work. I had shouted, `Did not!' and slammed the door behind me, smug in the knowledge that I had gotten in the last word.
"Biting into the sandwich my husband had made, I felt an unfamiliar substance. Opening the sandwich, I extracted a soggy piece of paper on which were scribbled the words: `Did too!' "
- "At college I fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. I didn't realize how long I had neglected writing my family until I received the following note: "Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."
- "Because of differences in schedules, my wife and daughter often need to communicate by note. Once on returning home, I discovered this exchange taped to a kitchen faucet: `Please do all dishes, dry them and put them away,' signed: `THE MANAGEMENT.' And, `Your command was not my wish, but, please note, not a dirty dish,' signed: `THE LABOR FORCE.' "
- "Our son, Rob, loved using the saw and hammer but never seemed to clean up afterward. One day I was in the garage, stepping over the sawdust and my hand automatically reached for the broom and dustpan. Suddenly, my brain ordered my body to stand still and appraise the situation. Instead of leaving the work area clean, I propped the broom against the workbench with the following note attached: `As ye saw, so shall ye sweep! Love, Mom.' "
- A wife continually wrote her husband notes and reminders that she always signed, "Love Wife." "One night," her husband reports, "we had a big argument and went to bed still angry. The next morning I found a note beside my coffee cup making a serious comment on our dispute but it was signed `Distant Relative.' The humor didn't solve anything but opened the way for us to start talking again."
Dr. Larsen is a therapist practicing in Salt Lake City.