There is no doubt that President Clinton made many deals with members of Congress to insure passage of his NAFTA bill through the House of Rep-re-sen-ta-tives.

However, the question remains: What kind of deals were they?Even the White House is bewildered about what was promised to whom.

"Sir, Secretary Aspin is on the phone and he wants to know if it's true that you promised Congresswoman Beth Emery the Atlantic Fleet repair shipyards."

"What's wrong with that?"

"She represents a district in Kansas. It's not exactly a warm-weather port."

"It doesn't matter. I told Beth that we'd build a canal from the Great Lakes to enable the ships to go in and out."

"Mr. President, Representative Wattles of Queens, N.Y., wants to know when you are expecting to move the space shuttle from Cape Canaveral to La Guardia Field, as you promised."

"As soon as we can get the Army Corps of Engineers to finish the flood control project in Central Park for Congressman Frere."

"This is just in from Congressman Rebuild. He claims you promised that the U.S. would levy a tariff on all foreign imports of dental floss. His district is the largest grower of dental floss in the United States, but the South Koreans have been grabbing the market."

"Tell Rebuild that dental floss is not in the NAFTA treaty, and the only country that stands to gain under the treaty is Mexico."

"Mr. President, I hate to bring this up, but did you give Martha's Vineyard to the Louisiana congressional delegation as a quail-hunting preserve in exchange for their NAFTA votes?"

"I didn't give it to them. I leased it for 99 years. I had to do it to win Baton Rouge and New Orleans. What are all those papers in your hand?"

"They're the IOUs you signed before the vote. I don't want to make you nervous, sir, but you gave so much to win NAFTA that we hardly have anything left to trade when the health bill comes up."

"There are always the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone National Park."

"Mr. President, whatever you gave away was worth it. The rank-and-file bullfighters south of the border are holding a Bill Clinton Day. The Mexican ambassador came to the White House personally to deliver a gift from his grateful people."

"What is it?"

"A Fiesta automobile."

"Wonderful. Present it to Congressman Gouda. I promised him a Mexican car."