Gary Sheets described Tuesday the shame and guilt he felt when he saw excerpts of his dead wife's diary quoted in a book about the 1985 bombings that killed his wife and partner.
"I felt violated," Sheets told a federal jury. "There were things in (the diary) I felt ashamed of and guilty about."Robert Lindsey quoted several excerpts from Kathy Sheets' diary in his 1988 book "A Gathering of Saints." Sheets is suing the county for allegedly releasing excerpts of the diary to Lindsey.
Kathy Sheets and former CFS partner Steven Christensen were killed Oct. 15, 1985, by Mark Hofmann, who forged papers and sold them as historic documents related to early LDS Church history.
Hofmann pleaded guilty to the murders and is serving a life sentence in the Utah State Prison.
In one quoted excerpt, Kathy Sheets said she was worried about the finances of Gary Sheet's company CFS but knew her husband would protect her.
"Yet she was killed by a bomb with my name on it," Sheets said.
In another quoted excerpt, Kathy Sheets said she wished she and Gary Sheets were more compatible and that he would spend more time with her. "I felt guilty because I'm a workaholic," Sheets said.
Sheets has suffered years of anger and depression over the unauthorized use of his wife's diary, he said.
"I have been depressed quite a bit over the last few years." That depression made him reluctant to call people and sell insurance, he said.
"There have been days - weeks - when I haven't been able to call people. Many nights, I've lain awake all night because I've been upset over these things . . . I just don't think they had the right to give my wife's diary to an author to have our private lives spread all over."
Sheets blames part of his high blood pressure on the continued anger he feels over the use of his wife's diary.
Salt Lake Deputy County Attorney Patricia Marlowe asked Sheets if having his wife's diary made public was so humiliating, why did Sheets himself include excerpts of that diary in a book he recently wrote about himself.
"I feel that we have a right to quote Kathy's diary in our book as much as we want. But I don't agree that anyone else does," Sheets said.
Sheets is currently seeking a publisher for his book, titled "Trials," he said.
Sheets gave his wife's diary to Salt Lake police in late October or early November 1985. Detectives asked for the diary because they believed it could help them solve the murder.
Sheets said in a 1990 written statement that no detective assured him the diary would be kept private, but he assumed it would be.
On the stand Tuesday, Sheets said he didn't remember anyone saying the diary would be kept confidential, but he came away from the meeting with detectives feeling that it would be.
"I can only remember the feeling I had. My feelings were that I was given assurances that it would be kept confidential."
After Sheets testified, Marlowe moved for dismissal of the suit because Sheets had failed to prove that county personnel gave Lindsey excerpts from Sheets diary.
Sheets has sued Salt Lake County investigator Michael George and former Salt Lake County Attorney Ted Cannon. He claims George gave Lindsey the excerpts from the diary used in the book and that Cannon created the department policy that allowed George to do that.
However, George testified he doesn't remember giving Lindsey the diary. Lindsey said in a sworn deposition that he talked with seven detectives and several others. He doesn't remember which one gave him the excerpts.
Marlowe identified several people who either had full copies of the diary, access to full copies or excerpts of the diary. The list included police, investigators, prosecutors and a defense attorney.
Sheets has offered no proof that it was George who provided Lindsey with copies of the diary, she said. "There was no assurance that the diary would be kept confidential," she said. "It was never stamped confidential. There was no notation on it, nothing."
All county records on a crime are open to the public after a crime is solved. "Once the (bombing) case was over, anyone had access to our archives."
George is the man who gave Lindsey the diary because he has given a "soft confession" admitting to that, argued Kent Linebaugh, attorney for Sheets. All other detectives interviewed by Linebaugh forcefully denied giving the excerpts to Lindsey.
But George was less emphatic. "Instead of saying, `I didn't do it,' he said, `I don't know. I might have,' " Linebaugh said. Just because Lindsey and George each say they don't remember doesn't mean they don't. The two men could have lied under oath, Linebaugh said. "They are good enough friends that they would protect each other."
Linebaugh urged U.S. District Judge Bruce Jenkins to let the jury decide if George gave the book to Lindsey.
Jenkins took Marlowe's motion under advisement. The trial continued Wednesday and was expected to go to the jury late Wednesday or early Thursday.
Sheets is seeking more than $500,000 from the county for the alleged invasion of privacy.
Sheets married Diane Harris in 1987. The couple live in St. George where he sells life insurance.