I cannot resist reading polls. I find them a barometer of public opinion where I can gauge just how far I'm out of it.
Recently there was one on how egalitarian housework has become. OK, so maybe 46 percent of the men in this country said they had cleaned a toilet within the last week. I'll buy that. And 61 percent of the women polled said they had washed the family car within the last month. It could happen.But when women were asked whether they would prefer to marry a guy who looks like Danny DeVito and does half the chores or one who looks like Robert Redford and does none - guess what? Forty-three percent chose Danny, 46 percent picked Robert, and 11 percent ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT IT!
I mean, how much can 43 percent of you hate to vacuum?
As soon as I read the question, I got a mental image of Danny DeVito as the Penguin in "Batman Returns," dressed in an apron and changing sheets. Then I visualized Robert Redford, dressed in his naval officer whites that he wore in "The Way We Were," sitting in a La-Z-Boy watching me clean out the fireplace.
I cast my shallow, superficial vote for Redford.
I was working when I got married. I took one look at this man who couldn't change a roll of toilet paper and immediately lowered my expectations.
Men have to be eased into sharing domestic chores. A lot of times it depends on what their entry level is. If you marry a man who came from the arms of his mother, you essentially have a man who thinks beds make themselves and clean shirts grow on hangers.
If you select a husband who has had his own apartment, he will be skilled in soaking pans, smelling clothes before wearing them and cutting off shower curtains when they mildew.
A man who has had military service is a gem. He can sew buttons on his clothes and feed himself. Marriage to an older man, however, usually gets you someone who makes the coffee in the mornings. That's it.
When women left the home to pick up the slack on some of the financial burdens, a lot of men actually assumed responsibility for a share of the household chores and child care. However, it isn't something you talk about before you are married or that you put in a prenuptial agreement.
Marriage is a gamble at best. I'm willing to take a chance that maybe - just maybe - Robert Redford could be trained to run garbage. If not . . . I'll just dust around him.
1993 Universal Press Syndicate