I know, I know. When President Clinton talks about us "contributing" to reduce the federal deficit, he's really talking about forced tax hikes and reduced services.
But some people out there apparently don't mind volunteering to contribute for The Cause.Take, for instance, the fifth-graders at Stewart Elementary in Oxford, Ohio - who caught my eye because their hometown was settled by an ancestor of mine who "contributed" to America by serving as a young teenager in George Washington's Army.
Like my ancestor who volunteered for that service, students in Oxford contributed. They raised $278.50 to reduce the federal deficit last week by selling Bill Brownies, Gore Goodies, Capitol Hill Cookies, Tipper Toffee and Oval Office Oatmeal cookies.
I also read how another boy received a phone call from Clinton to thank him for a $1,000 donation to the deficit. And I noticed some newspaper colleagues at the Divide County Journal in Crosby, N.D., held a bake sale last week to help cut the debt.
I thought it would be a public service to publish where people could send such voluntary sorts of contributions, so maybe I won't have to come up with as much for the forced kind.
My phone calls to find that address demonstrate government red tape that some of us blame for making the deficit so big in the first place.
I started by remembering that the U.S. Bureau of Public Debt, part of the Treasury Department that issues savings bonds and other notes to cover the deficit, received such donations.
I looked up its number in my Washington, D.C., directory. However, it connected me only to "a disconnected government Centrex number, please consult your directory and dial again."
I called directory assistance and obtained the right number. I asked for the public affairs office. An operator told me to call another number, "and push 3 when the voice mail comes on."
I did. But the person who came on the line said that was not public affairs, and asked what I wanted. I explained. She gave me another number and told me to ask for Jimmy Phillips.
I did. No one answered the phone after 20 rings. I tried again in five minutes. Someone answered and quickly put me on hold. They came back in a few minutes, and I asked for Phillips - but she said I would need to call another number instead and ask for Larry Plumly.
I am not making this up.
I called Plumly's office. Whoever answered said, "Plumly is no longer with this office, and his replacement isn't in today," and put me on hold for six minutes. She told me I needed to talk to Pete Hollenbach in public affairs, and I explained that's the office I'd been trying to reach.
She said the number was 376-4302, then said as I was hanging up that was wrong, and the right number is 219-4302. I called it several times, and no one ever answered.
So a couple of days later, I called public affairs at the main Treasury Department and asked them for Hollenbach's number. It was 219-3302 - the other number had been off a digit. Treasury noted I must talk to Hollenbach because it didn't answer questions about the debt bureau.
I called the new number and was greeted by the words, "commissioner's office." But the receptionist said they also handled public affairs. But Hollenbach wasn't in - she would have him call back.
He did and turned out to be a nice person. He explained that the bureau set up an account in 1961 to receive gifts from people who want to reduce the debt - and has collected $24.4 million through the years, or not even enough to cover about one-tenth the federal cost of just the Central Utah Project.
He said most donations come in $5 or $10 at a time, but once a bequest for $3.5 million appeared. "Most of it comes from patriotic people who feel the country has been good to them, and they want to give something back." And yes, donations have picked up since Clinton's call for contributions.
Hollenbach said checks should be made out to: Bureau of the Public Debt, and should be sent to the bureau at Dept. G, Washington, DC 20239-0601.
So now Utahns have the address without having to waste a lot of time and money on long-distance charges to get it. Consider it my contribution.