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Fox's "Danger Theatre," which premieres Sunday, wants to be the television equivalent of "Hot Shots!" or "Airplane!"

It isn't. Not even close.An alleged parody of television action, adventure and cop shows, "Danger" is just downright dumb.

Those movies bat somewhere in the neighborhood of .500 on their jokes. "Danger's" batting average is somewhere close to .000.

The writers here seem to have confused funny with stupid.

Robert Vaughn plays on his "Man from U.N.C.L.E" image as the host, and apparently the thought here is to make him the equivalent of Leslie Nielsen in the "Naked Gun" movies.

It doesn't work. He ends up just looking foolish.

This summer series will have a number of recurring elements. The first half of Sunday's premiere features Diedrich Bader as "The Searcher," a hunky private detective with the IQ of Jell-O.

And Adam West ("Batman") stars in the "Hawaii Five-O" parody titled "Tropical Punch" that fills the second half of the half-hour. And it's also dumb.

There are lots of sight gags, which just sort of make you gag.

The jokes fall into three categories - lame, lamer and lamest.

Don't waste a half hour of your life on this junk.

KSL SCHEDULE SHIFT: The folks at Ch. 5 have decided to revamp their afternoon lineup a bit early.

Instead of beginning in September, the new 2 p.m.-to-5:30 p.m. schedule begins Aug. 2. The station is hoping to get it established before the competition makes changes of its own in the fall.

Of course, that schedule isn't quite set. "Rescue 911" will air at 4 p.m., "Highway Patrol" (another reality series) at 4:30 p.m., and "M.A.S.H." will return to 5 p.m. after a year's absence.

The 2 p.m.-to-4 p.m. slots will be filled with "Vicki!," "Murphy Brown" and "Designing Women," but whether the sitcoms or the talk show will come first is still up in the air because of negotiations with various syndicators.

Conspicuous by its absence is "The Oprah Winfrey Show" - which is shifting to KTVX-Ch. 4 in the fall. For her last month on KSL, Oprah is shifting to 8 a.m., bumping "Focus" and "Family Feud" - which CBS is canceling anyway - off the air. "Focus" will return in September.

Of course, that also gives "Oprah" a much lower profile just before it becomes the competition. (The show will air at 4 p.m. when it moves to Ch. 4.)

SURPRISE! SURPRISE!: After more than three years of writing about television, I thought I couldn't be surprised.

But when producer Linda Bloodworth-Thomason confirmed to USA Today that she's talking with Delta Burke about starring as a congresswoman in a new political sitcom she has in development at CBS, I almost fell off my chair.

Bloodworth-Thomason and Burke, of course, were at the center of all that unpleasantness on "Designing Women" that culminated in Burke being dumped from the show.

Hey, if it works out - great. Burke was a hoot on "Women," where the lines came from Bloodworth-Thomason.

Stay tuned . . .