Dear Abby: Five or six years ago, you printed two letters in the same column dealing with the hopelessness of being in love with a married man. Will you please print them again? I carried them in my wallet, but my purse was stolen.
- Needs Reinforcement
Dear Needs: Wise is the woman who admits that she needs reinforcement; here they are:
Dear Abby: This is probably just like a million other letters you've received from women who have had affairs with married men. But this one contains a piece of advice that hasn't been emphasized nearly enough.
Last year I started seeing an absolutely fantastic guy from work. I knew he was married, but we played it cool and thought we could handle it. It was terrific while it lasted, but it had to come to an end. (The old story: We got too serious. He didn't want to hurt his wife and kids. Then he got "noble" and told me he couldn't allow me to invest any more time in a man who couldn't marry me.)
I'm not blaming anybody but myself. I'm a mature woman and should have known better. The moral to this story is: If you must have an affair, don't choose someone you will see at work every day. When it's over, the daily contact is torture.
- Still Hurting
Dear Still: You seem to have overlooked another "moral" or two: "Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou shalt not steal." Read on:
Dear Abby: May I give your readers the benefit of my very valuable experience? I address this to any woman who is "in love" with a married man:
Never expect to see him on Sundays or holidays.
Never call him at home.
Don't ever expect him to take you out in public, but be prepared to entertain him at your place. He may bring a bottle of wine or the steaks occasionally, but in actual dollars and cents, you will spend more on him than he'll spend on you.
Never depend on him in times of personal crisis.
Don't believe him when he tells you his wife is a shrew, cold, homely, too fat (or too thin) and hasn't slept with him for 10 years.
Don't ever expect his wife to divorce him - even if she catches him. She knows you are not his first and won't be his last. Also, she is not about to give up her social status, financial security and retirement income because of you.
However, her discovery will probably terminate his affair with you, so be prepared to get some new clothes, circulate, and find another married man whose wife is a shrew, cold, homely, too fat (or too thin) and hasn't slept with him for 10 years. Sign me
. . . His Wife
Dear Abby: Do you think married women dress to please their husbands?
- Mazook in S.F.
Dear Mazook: If they do, they are wearing last year's clothes.