Long Beach columnist Tom Hennessy has taken on the task of making Mother Goose politically, bureaucratically, sociologically, electronically, and in all other respects, correct. Some samples:
Humpty Dumpty, a nonhuman animal product stolen from the Poultry World, sat on a unit of infrastructure.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible, unscheduled descent.
All the equine nonhumans and masculine humans in the employ of the ruler of the land could not restore Dumpty to his former state.
Medical practitioners pronounced him terminally inconvenienced.
A pre-woman answering to the name Bo-Peep discoverred that she had been deprived of her woolly ruminants.
Moreover, the unfortunate Bo-Peep person lacked all notion as to where these esteemed ruminant companions might have been relocated.
But forestall all pre-emptive searches and various other molestations, and the missing ovines are certain to return to their domestic quarters - oscillating the appendages prominent in their posterior sections.
This diminutive porcine nonhuman went to market. Or maybe the mail.
This diminutive porcine nonhuman remained in his/her domestic quarters.
This dimunutive porcine nonhuman consumed strips of roasted flesh stripped from the carcass of bovine nonhumans.
This diminutive porcine nonhuman had none of the aforementioned strips of roasted flesh.
And this diminutive porcine nonhuman expressed himself/herself with the expression, "W--, w--, w--" all the way to his/her domestic quarters.
Muffet, a female individual afficted with arachniphobia, thoughtlessly sat upon a clump of living, breathing grass, consuming her processed dairy products.
Along came a nonhuman of the arachnid species, just as thoughtlessly sat down beside her, and frightened the Muffet person away.
Three television networks did a movie on him.
A chronologically enhanced mother named Hubbard removed herself to her cupboard with the intention of procuring her canine companion a byte or two of ossified matter.
But when she arrived there, the cupboard was ... well, unprovisioned.
He sued her, however, and got everything else.