While Lerner and Loewe's musical production of "Camelot" regally ponders the "one brief shining moment" of King Arthur's legendary dream of knighthood and justice, I don't think what happened at the Hale Center Theater four months ago was quite what they had in mind.
On the show's opening night, about halfway through the second act, that feisty little imp Mordred was musically recounting the "Seven Deadly Virtues." All at once, someone seated on the front row jerked a camera up from her lap and . . .FLASH!
Mordred was blinded by the well-aimed camera.
This was, indeed, "one brief shining moment" actor Kurk Davidson could have done without. He also would have been well within his rights and (and still stayed in character as Mordred) if he had reached over and smashed the camera to smithereens.
He did not, of course. Davidson is far too professional for that.
I called Davidson just a few days ago and, looking back on the incident, he explained he was able to stay focused on his scene even though he was momentarily blinded by the flash.
"As an actor you have to be prepared. Especially here in Utah you have to be conditioned to discourteous acts by patrons," he said. "My first thought was that I just couldn't believe that someone would do that, then I just went on with the scene."
Which brings me to the subject of this article, specifically . . .
PATRONS FROM HELL.
You know who they are. They're the ones who scramble in after the curtain has gone up, bent on getting to their seats in the middle of the row. Maybe they even have a couple of their dear children in tow. (The reason they're late, of course, is because they couldn't find a baby sitter). The mom has a purseful of clandestine (and noisily wrapped) treats. The dad has a cellular phone in his jacket.
(Is there some unwritten Murphy's Law of Theater requiring beepers and phones to sound off only during quiet, tender moments in plays? Don't they ever buzz or beep during the crescendos of "76 Trombones"?)
Obviously, it's time for readers to get in line and register for . . .
THEATER ETIQUETTE 101: a crash course in how to behave during a play (or any other performing arts event, for that matter).
Over the past several years, we've run at least two lists of "The 10 Commandments for Theatergoers." My predecessor, Joseph Walker, printed his version in the mid-1980s, and I ran a slightly revised version just two or three years ago.
Now it appears there's an urgent need for a refresher course.
Maybe "patrons from hell" is too strong a label for those rude, inconsiderate boors (or are they boars? . . . sometimes it's hard to tell the difference). But when you've shelled out $90 or so for two orchestra seats at "Les Miserables," the last thing you want is to end up sitting next to someone with a cellular phone and a bratty, out-of-control child.
Babes-in-arms and latecomers are the most consistent problems for local theaters, according to a survey of several regional companies.
Also, the intimate theater-in-the-round venues have more difficulties with "problem" patrons than the larger proscenium halls. This is probably because in spaces like the Hales' two theaters (in South Salt Lake and Orem), the Pages Lane Theater in Centerville and others, audiences are barely an arm's length away from much of the action. This makes it easier for patrons to get caught up in the performance and begin to feel like they're just part of an extended family.
Here are a few examples of audience misbehavior. I did not make these up. These are true stories passed along to me by friends and colleagues in the theater community:
- Certainly the most bizarre story I heard was about the prospective theatergoers who attempted to bring their baby goat (ailing and tenderly wrapped in a blanket) into City Rep. They were politely informed that even four-legged babes-in-arms were not allowed in the theater.
"We didn't think so, but we thought we'd at least try," the couple explained - then departed.
- During a performance of HCT's "I'll Remember You," a patron leaned over the railing and fixed the tag that had been exposed on the back of Sally Swenson's dress. (I'm sure the costumers are relieved to know there are volunteer helpers readily available in the crowd.)
- In the same show, a patron yelled for Kurk Davidson to "turn around so we can see you on this side" (just one of those little problems in a theater-in-the-round, where there is seating on all four sides).
- Pat Davis, coordinator of Salt Lake Community College's Grand Theatre, says one of her big concerns is season ticketholders who arrive late. "They seem to feel that since they already `own' a seat in the auditorium, they can simply barge right in after a performance has begun, even it it means scrambling across others to get into the middle of the row."
City Rep has begun printing a notice on its tickets warning patrons that seats will not be held longer than 10 minutes beyond curtain time. Most other theaters maintain similar policies.
At the Salt Lake County-owned Capitol Theatre, there are television monitors in the lobby, allowing latecomers to watch the show until there's a suitable break and an usher can show them to their seats.Melinda Stanfield, front house manager at the Capitol, said there seems to be an "overall attitude
that everyone thinks they're the exception. If they're late, they think the rules don't apply to them.
"During last season's engagement of `Les Miz,' one family came in a good half-hour late and were upset that they couldn't be seated until intermission. They demanded their money back."
"Many of the shows do have a `hold' (a planned 5- or 10-minute delay in the curtain going up), but if patrons come in later, they have to watch the monitors. Some will sneak in when no one is watching. I can understand their anger," said Stanfield, "They're late and the paid a lot of money, but they should take responsibility for arriving on time."
- Local actress Joan Mullaney (who can currently be seen in one of the casts of HCT's "Father of the Bride") sent along this incident she remembered:
Mullaney's favorite "patron from hell" experience was when she was portraying Peggy in Claire Booth Luce's comedy, "The Women." Peggy is on the phone, calling her husband from Reno to inform him that she's getting divorced. One of Peggy's lines to her husband was: "I'm going to have a baby." A spectator in the audience exclaimed, "Click!"
"I had to continue after the audience stopped laughing," said Mullaney.
- Another telephone incident was recalled by Ruth Hale. It took place at the family's Glendale Center Theater in Glendale, Calif.
Like the Hales' other theaters in South Salt Lake and Orem, this is a fairly intimate theater-in-the-round - a space that necessitates the placing of furniture and props around the edges of the stage, dangerously close to those seated in front row seats.
In one play, there was a scene where a businessman is supposed to answer the telephone. (The phones aren't really hooked up, of course, they're just props with the cords concealed.) So in this particular play, the phone rang and the actor was about to answer it. But a patron seated in the front row, who had been toying with the phone cord, pulled it loose and loudly announced, "You can't answer this, it's disconnected!"
I've frequently seen Hale Center Theater patrons moving props around, oblivious to the fact that these items are there for a reason. Having a specific prop suddenly come up missing or misplaced could be disastrous to the critically timed movement in a scene.
- One of the more outrageous incidents I saw several months ago was during a performance of StageRight TheatreCompany's production of "Our Town" at the Bountiful Elks Lodge. One rude patron brought in her cellular telephone. When it beeped during the performance, she proceeded to answer and carry on a conversation.
The fact that these phones are cordless probably saved her life. Had there been a cord attached, I would have gladly strangled her.
Betsy O'Briant, publicist for City Rep, said she knew of at least one similar instance. A male patron in the front row during "Sleeping Beauty" answered his phone and conversed in a normal voice.
"Cellular telephones are probably the worst invention in the past few years," said Charles Morey, artistic director for Pioneer Theatre Company. "They're so small people can take them anywhere. You can't see them and patrons hide them in their pockets. I've had people walking into the theater talking on them.
"When we run wireless microphones, we can can also pick up the telephone conversations," he said.
Morey, who admitted that it's impossible to police the phones entirely, did point out that most audiences behave themselves, "but there are others who drive you crazy."
"I'm less politic about it now. If someone is talking behind me, I'll turn around and tell them to shut up. After 25 years, I tend to be a little more restrained in my own theater, but I'm ruthless in another theater when I've paid for my own ticket," he said.
- Dave Gagon, a colleague at the Deseret News, said patrons two seasons back during a performance of PTC's production of "Macbeth" were bothered by one person who had apparently been dragged into the theater by his wife. This man had brought along his small radio and earphones - so he could keep up with the game. It was turned up so loudly that theatergoers seated nearby could hear the score.
For them, it was Macbeth: 0, Sports, 10.
Rule of thumb: If you want to hear how the Jazz are doing - and we're not talking about the hot combo in "Five Guys Named Moe" - stay home.
And remember, radios - like cellular phones - not only interfere with the enjoyment of those sitting nearby, but they can also disrupt other electronic equipment.
- Ralph Rodgers Jr., whose family operates the Pages Lane Theatre in Centerville, passed along the story of an irate mother who became highly agitated when she was informed that babes in arms are not allowed in the theater. She stormed out of the lobby and paraded up and down on the sidewalk, loudly warning other arriving theatergoers not to patronize the Pages Lane "because they hate children."
Maybe she was thinking of those times when Rodgers portrays Scrooge. Old Ebenezer does hate children, but the Pages Lane welcomes families. It has a policy of presenting wholesome productions and even schedules special Saturday matinee performances especially for youngsters.
Nearly every theater in the area has a firm policy about babes-in-arms not being allowed inside. Once they do get in the door - and I'm sure you've heard them - parents would rather sit there and let the kids loudly wail and cry than remove them from the premises.
If notified in advance, most theaters will make an effort to seat parents with infants adjacent to an accessible aisle and near the exits.
The big problem with babies and toddlers, according to Pat Davis, is that they lack the attention span needed to enjoy a play.
In Wain Sutton's 1949 book, "Utah: A Centennial History," there is this interesting note regarding policies at the old Salt Lake Theatre:
"Babies in arms were the cause of much concern to the management. There was an almost Elizabethan joviality among pioneer audiences, Pails of soup were consumed between acts on cold nights, gossip was exchanged and on one occasion a proud matron passed her new false teeth, the first in the Territory, around the parquette for inspection by all.
"But it was the babies who complicated matters. In the early playbills a quiet notice read: `Children in Arms Not Admitted.' Later bolder type proclaimed the injunction. Finally, in exasperation, the notices read: `Babies In Arms $10 extra!' In view of the scarcity of dollars, this was drastic."
Factoring in inflation over the past century, you could easily shell out an extra $300 or $400 just for the dubious privilege of bringing a baby into the theater.
- CANDY IS DANDY . . . but only if it comes in a quiet wrapper.
Most theaters have strict policies forbidding food or drink inside their auditoriums. The Hales and Pages Lane theaters and the Desert Star Playhouse (which is a dinner theater) are among the notable exceptions.
Salt Lake Acting Company permits eating and drinking inside the theater during its "cabaret" performances, but not during other productions.
"It's not a matter of cleanliness," said Davis, commenting on the Grand Theatre's policy of keeping food and beverages confined to the lobby. "We do it to prevent the rattling of papers."
At the two Hale Center theaters, the concession stands are stocked with treats that are packaged in noiseless plastic wrappers rather than paper. If you can't find your favorite candy bar at HCT - it's probably because it doesn't come wrapped the right way.
The Desert Star Playhouse is at the other end of the scale. Eating inside the theater is not merely permitted, it's encouraged.
Desert Star also has popcorn - an item few, if any, live theaters even touch. (DSP's niche is musical melodrama, so it's a little looser when it comes to audience behavior, too. The crowds here are encouraged to boo and hiss and do a little participatory carrying-on - as long as things don't get out of control.)
- BE FOREWARNED: The Hale Center Theaters used to make pre-curtain announcements about the use of cameras being forbidden, then - assuming that their audiences had heard the warning often enough that it was simply understood - they stopped doing this. Since the aforementioned "Camelot" incident, the warnings have resumed.
Just prior to curtain time in the shows at the Utah Shakespearean Festival - both indoors and out - audiences are warned not to use the aisles or exits during the performance because props and performers are constantly moving in and out during the between-the-scenes blackouts.
The same announcement is frequently made at Hale Center Theater, but even with this cautionary statement, there was this unfortunate mishap during one of HCT's "Camelot" performances: An elderly man slipped out to the rest room during one of the blackouts, fell and broke his hip. Happily, he survived, but there was a considerable amount of stress and worry until the paramedics arrived and he was transported safely to the hospital.
*****
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10 commandments for theatergoers
1. Thou shalt arrive early. Certainly no later than 15 minutes before curtain time. If there are tickets waiting at "will call," come even earlier to avoid the long, slow lines.
2. If thou dost arrive late, wait outside. Remain in the lobby or in the back of the auditorium in the "standing room" area until an usher can direct thee to a seat during a proper break between the scenes. Just because thou hast a reserved seat doesn't imply the privilege of occupying it anytime thou desirest.
3. Thou shalt leave thy camera at home. Most productions prohibit any still or video photography, period. In many cases, there are copyright laws involved, so that camera could be illegal as well as bothersome.
4. Thou shalt not bring candy into the theater. Or popcorn, drinks or other edibles. Most theaters prohibit all food or drink inside the auditorium. Those that do allow treats attempt to stock their concession stands with items packaged in reasonably quiet plastic wrappers.
5. Thou shalt not talk. Do not carry on conversations with thy fellow theatergoers during the performance. This might be permissible at home in front of the television set, but it's highly inconsiderate during a live performance. Even a whisper can be heard by nearby patrons. Remember: It's a theater or concert hall, not a living room.
6. Thou shalt remain seated during the performance. Getting up and moving around can be hazardous - both to thyself and the performers.
7. Thou shalt leave infants at home with the baby-sitter. Please! Sure, they're "cute," but when they begin fidgeting in their seats and bored by something that's beyond their short attention spans, everybody else suffers.
8. Thou shalt leave thy noisemakers at home. This includes beepers, pagers, cellular telephones, portable radios and other noisy electronic gadgets. If thou must conduct business or listen to the basketball game, stay home and let someone else use thy ticket.
9. Thou shalt remain in thy seat until the final curtain. If thou art in such a rush to get out to the parking lot, why bother coming in the first place? Racing up the aisles in order to "beat the traffic" is rude. An early exit is both an insult to the performers and distracting to those seated nearby.
10. And, above all, thou shalt laugh, cry and applaud in all the right places. The audience itself is an integral part of the performing arts experience - just as important as the scenery and props. The performers, whether they're actors in a play or musicians in a concert, need immediate feedback from the crowd. Few things are more frightening for a performer than an unresponsive, "dead" audience.
Note: These suggestions are a compilation from previous lists by Ivan Lincoln and Joseph Walker and from a recent article on audience rudeness by Mickey Davis of Dayton, Ohio, distributed by Cox News Service.