Dear Abby: Why do people place so much importance on manners? From the time kids learn to walk and talk, adults hassle them about manners and being polite.
I don't see what good it does to stand up when an older person or a lady comes into the room. And there are dozens of other rules that come under the heading of "manners" that make no sense at all.Maybe you can explain it to me.
- Don't Get It
Dear Don't: To answer your question, no one said it better than the late and great Amy Vanderbilt:
"Good manners are the traffic rules for society in general. Without good manners, living would be chaotic, human beings unbearable to each other. Reduced to a phrase, good manners are consideration of other people in respect of their feelings, their safety, their privacy, and their full social rights and privileges."
Dear Abby: I am a reasonably attractive, well-mannered bachelor in my late 30s who receives many social invitations. I recently turned down an invitation to a dinner party. I frankly told the hostess that I was no longer accepting invitations that did not allow me to bring my own date. Very irately, she told me that if I didn't want to go to parties alone, I should get married.
Why do so many people think a single person should be eager to accept invitations to go to a party alone? I always feel like a fifth wheel, or else I get stuck with a dateless woman who shares my embarrassment. Am I wrong?
- Single Simon
Dear Simon: If you'd rather bring your own date than gamble on whom the hostess has paired you off with, say so. But most bachelors are invited to parties to provide escorts for the single women. And I'd like to see the dateless woman who would feel "embarrassed" to find her dinner companion a reasonably attractive, well-mannered bachelor.
Dear Abby: There is an old guy in our town who is driving everybody nuts. He's about 75 years old, and he can't keep his paws off women. No waitress will get within 6 feet of him. When he comes into the restaurant, the cashier has to take his order, and the cook comes out of the kitchen to serve it to him!
This guy went to a doctor for a checkup, and the nurse told me that if he ever came back, she was going to have a pair of handcuffs ready.
Everybody in town knows about him. I can't understand why they let a man like that run loose. Isn't he dangerous?
- Paso Robles
Dear Paso: Probably not. If everybody in town knows about him, they're safe. It's the ones they DON'T know about who are dangerous.
Dear Abby: I would like your opinion of the following situation:
When friends drop in, should the hostess excuse herself and put on a pot of coffee, or get a cold drink and serve it with a sandwich, cake, cookies or whatever she has on hand? Or should she ask her guests if they would like a hot drink, a cold one or a sandwich?
My husband and I are on opposite sides of this argument and need you to settle it for us.
- Millie in Maryland
Dear Millie: The gracious hostess does not inquire. She acts. (P.S. Drop-in visitors should not expect a feed-in.)
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1993 Universal Press Syndicate