Domestic violence is known to rise like a tide as the holidays add pressure to already complicated lives. But people who help battered women say they can't actually document that an increase occurred in Utah this Christmas.
"It's getting really hard to discern how much abuse goes up during the holidays because we're near full all of the time," said Debra Daniels, director of the Salt Lake YWCA's Women in Jeopardy Program.A spokeswoman for Utah Legal Services (who asked that her name not be used) agreed. "We've had no more requests than our normal. I guess you'd say this was a good season."
The fact that women don't rush through the doors of agencies in droves asking for help during the holidays doesn't mean there's less domestic violence, though, according to Stewart P. Ralphs, attorney in charge of the domestic violence victim assistance program with the Legal Aid Society of Salt Lake. His staff helps victims of domestic violence - usually women - get protective orders against their abusive partners.
"We actually have kind of a decrease during the holidays. That doesn't mean there's less domestic violence. It means the victims are less inclined to ask for protective orders during the holidays. They'll endure any abuse to keep things normal during the holidays, for the sake of the kids," he said. "Generally, there's more friction and violence. There's more in summer, too, because people are together more often. There's going to be an increase when people are together, and the holidays are one of those occasions."
One thing is clear, according to Daniels. Many of the problems that can exacerbate domestic violence - alcohol, drugs, financial pressures - are increasingly present year-round.
Women may be more torn about how to respond during the holidays, however. "At any time, it's my experience that if there's any way they can stay in the home so they don't have to move the kids, take them away from friends, create emotional isolation, whatever, they do. They don't usually give up and leave until the abuse has gotten to where they just can't stay."
The harshest - and most common - criticism leveled against victims of domestic violence is that they return to abusive relationships. That's true, but it's part of a process, Daniels said.
"A woman will go through shelter an average of eight times before she really leaves for good. It's a learning process."
The woman can be wooed by promises that the abuse won't happen again; that the man will change. It takes a while to realize "that's not going to happen."
In many families, there's the question of how to support the children. And because domestic violence involves tearing down the victim's self-esteem, a rebuilding process has to occur.
"We face a lot of societal pressures, family pressures, religious pressures. There's so many, plus the emotion. `I've been with this person many years. We've had some fun-loving, good times.' There's a honeymoon cycle.
"The hardest part," Daniels said, "is fear of the unknown."