THE RETIREMENT CEREMONY for Michal Jordan at Chicago's new United Center last week was given thumbs up by His Airness, but media and fans were infuriated with the way the event was handled.

According to reports out of Chicago, the Bulls, TNT and NBA Entertainment are blaming one another for the way things came off. The two-hour program was long on entertainment and short on tribute.Jazz coach Jerry Sloan flew to Chicago for the event and wasn't even introduced. However, after returning, he said he enjoyed the ceremony and laughed when asked if there was a statue of him outside the building, like the one of Jordan.

Bulls V.P. of marketing Steve Schanwald claimed the TV special was nothing like he had envisioned. "Unfortunately," he told the Chicago Tribune, "when we asked TV to get involved, things got out of control. My greatest fear was realized. I was given assurances by people producing the show that it was going to be a basketball show first and an entertainment show second. It was the other way around."

Most of the criticism was over how friends and opponents were ignored during the tribute to Jordan. Speeches by B.J. Armstrong, Chris Mullin, Patrick Ewing, Charles Oakley, Rod Thorn, Kevin Loughery and Stan Albeck were canceled.

Schanwald added that he "didn't have to read the reaction in the papers to know it wasn't the show we wanted. In all fairness to the media, I think the criticism was justified, and I agree with most of it."

WOOF: Jazz forward Antoine Carr says he always enjoyed his matchups against Karl Malone when Carr was in San Antonio. However, he expects he'll enjoy it more playing on the same team.

Carr, who was called "Big Dog" when Milwaukee's Glen Robinson was still riding a bike, says playing against Karl Malone was about what you'd expect. "Karl Malone was one of those guys you never totally stop," says Carr. "You just wanted to slow him down."

Now that he's in Salt Lake and playing backup forward and center for the Jazz, Carr says he's the Mailman's biggest fan. "The good part is now the Mailman has his own dog," says Carr, sounding slightly George Foreman-ish. "Nobody wants to mess with my Mailman."

QUACKING UP: Southern California is already bracing for the eventuality that the unheralded Oregon Ducks could end up in this year's Rose Bowl - and it isn't a popular choice.

"No quake of any magnitude could jerk the needle sideways on one of those Richter things the way Oregon making the Rose Bowl would," wrote Los Angeles Times columnist Mike Downey. "Oregon is to college football what Linda McCartney is to rock and roll."

Downey went on to say a highlight film of Oregon football "would take about 60 seconds."

"This is something," he continued, "we figured we'd never see in our lifetime, like a mouse dating a cat, or Michael Jackon marrying Elvis' daughter . . . Oregon appearing in the Rose Bowl is like Tom Arnold appearing in Hamlet."

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE WAC: The Times also runs down what happened to the top 25 colege football teams. On Utah's loss to New Mexico, the Times wrote, "Those screams you heard about 3:30 p.m. Saturday came from Holiday Bowl officials in San Diego, who saw their game revert to being, well, the Holiday Bowl."

CHECK, PLEASE: Scoring a hole in one is fun but not always profitable. At the recent Tour Championship at the Olympic Club in San Francisco, Greg Norman holed a shot during the Saturday third round. Tradition dictates anyone landing a hole in one buys drinks in the clubhouse.

A tab was subsequently run at the Olympic Club, where even soft drinks go for a pricey $3. Sunday morning when Norman picked up his bar tab, he found he owed the club $18,413.60. Norman kept the receipt. "For tax purposes," he said.

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After finishing in a tie for 13th in the tourney, he pocketed $71,400 - minus the bar tab.

KID GLOVES: Carr, who played last year with controversial forward Dennis Rodman, says the Spurs may want to be careful how they treat the Worm. He does get 15-20 rebounds a night.

Rodman was suspended last week for three games after throwing a bag of ice at coach Bob Hill.

But Carr says coaches and management should tread lightly when dealing with such a rare talent. "He's been doing this for three or four years," continued Carr. "You don't want to change the guy too much. He gets 17-18 rebounds a game. I don't think I'm one of the guys who would like to get him too upset."

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