Every family develops its own patterns and character. I suggest the following as 12 ways to build strong, positive family values.
- Family meals. Eat together as often as possible, certainly several full family dinners a week. Involve everyone: Young children can set the table and older ones can clear up. Share lots of conversation but avoid criticism or scolding at mealtimes.- Family meetings. Hold weekly gatherings to plan family activities, trips and vacations and to discuss both immediate and persistent problems.
Share with each other schedules, plans, problems and accomplishments, likes and dislikes. Everyone has an item on his or her agenda and children's opinions count.
- Quiet time. Schedule daily stress-reduction periods when the whole household is quiet. No television, record players or loud activity. Find a form that suits your family: reading, meditation, prayer, exercise, yoga, massage or whatever works for your family.
- Community service. Volunteer time and talent to worthy causes, with parents setting the model for children: hospital or clinic work, transportation or care for the elderly, meals-on-wheels, church committees, helping the homeless.
- Participate in school. Tutor younger children if they fall behind. Become involved with children's teachers and administrators to understand and to influence school policy. Participate in PTA. Help with after-school or summer-vacation activities, clubs, coach teams, organize teen activities.
- Family recreation. Take regular family walks, hikes, bike rides or other activities that adults and children can enjoy together, either spontaneous or planned. Show children that recreation is important for all ages, not just for the young.
- Make or build things together. Share creative activities that have tangible results, such as cooking, sewing, music, kitchen-table crafts and science projects, toy-making and model-building. Let children take the lead, and go for accomplishment - not perfection.
- Family outings. Share organized trips to local fairs, sporting events, picnics, the circus, concerts and performance art, fishing trips or other activities that the family enjoys doing together. Give equal time for everyone's interests.
- Bring children to work. With the employer's cooperation, let children see the other part of adult life away from home. Explain your skills and knowledge, the equipment you use, your responsibilities and the end result of useful work.
- Family vacations. At least once a year, travel away from home so everyone can relax and have a good time. Discuss vacation ideas with children, let them know what to expect, and give older children a voice in making advance vacation plans.
- Limited television. Watch television with children, monitor what they watch, and discuss what they see - at home and at friends' houses. As children mature, set mutually agreed limits on times and types of programming.
- Staying involved. Keep informed about community and national issues that affect your children. Become involved in the causes that matter to you.
Write newspaper editors, participate in committee meetings and join policy groups. Vote regularly, and take your child along. Run for office.
Let children know your concerns and opinions, and listen to theirs.