Question: I'm pregnant, and everybody knows it. I want to go back to my regular school and I can, except my mom won't let me. She wants me to go to some special school for teenage mothers. All my friends and teachers really care about me and will help me. Why won't my mother? I know I can handle this situation. - From Kris, 16, `No Location, Please'
Answer: From Multiple Occupations Co-op Class panelists, Newman Smith High School, Carrollton, Texas: Your mom may not be supporting your return to regular high school for some of these reasons:Babies are sweet; they are also loudly demanding. Perhaps mom knows you can use all the counseling and training you can get. Is there free child care provided at the special school? Maybe she can't afford financially or psychologically to furnish it herself. And we don't think she should be asked to. You gave up being a kid when you got pregnant and chose to raise the baby.
Although some students and teachers may be supportive, not all will be. Will your brothers and sisters be made to pay with their reputations for your mistakes?
Could she be scared you'll get pregnant all over again? Perhaps she doesn't want you to be around the baby's father or your old friends. You're a mother now so you MUST grow up and move on with your life.
Your mom is probably feeling shame, guilt, grief, as well as anger. Help her realize that you are you and that she isn't necessarily a bad parent. Talk with your mom; as a mother she knows exactly what you have given up. Show her - by tending to your baby yourself - that you are responsible and mature.
Whatever you do, make choices that benefit the BABY. Good luck; we think you're going to need it.
Answer: From Pat and David: We suggest that you and your mother meet with the staff and some of the students at this special school. That way you'll both have a better idea of the advantages and disadvantages - including the type of prenatal information and care they'd offer you and your baby.
- To other teenage mothers: What did you do? Stay at your regular school? Drop out altogether? Attend a special school? Where did you get prenatal care and information? If you had it to do over, what would you do? Please write and share your experience - it could help others.
Question: My parents want me to go to (state) college, but I want to go to Chef's School in New York City. I love to cook and want this as a career, but my parents refuse to pay for it. What can I do?
- From Frank, 18, in Illinois:
Answer: From Multiple Occupations Co-op Class panelists, Newman Smith High School, Carrollton, Texas: As we see it, each person should choose his/her own life's career. However, if your parents are going to pay the bills, they should be able to have a voice in where you go to school.
How badly do you want to be a chef? Go on your own to NYC to culinary school. Get a job, a student loan, and use the assistance the school can provide. You have to do some serious work at school; you can't afford a year of goofing off. Adrian's advice of "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do" fits you.
Find the best restaurant or hotel chef you can and ask to shadow him or to work in his kitchen as a "go-fer" to experience this career field. It's very different from cooking at home. He might provide a scholarship in return for your agreement to work for his restaurant after your graduation; or he might provide apprenticeship training.
Compromise: Attend a state college for at least two years and major in hotel/restaurant manage-ment; then go for chef's training. By that time, you might even have changed your career goals.
Sharing your dreams with your parents gives them the opportunity to realize how important this is to you. Share your research on this field with them. Even if they don't change their minds, we think they will be pleased at your success when they see you successfully pursuing YOUR goal.
Answer: From Pat and David: We recommend that you and your parents discuss your career goals and your parents' reservations with a college/career counselor. That person, as well as your parents, will probably want you to tell them:
What type of cooking/restaurant experience have you had that's given you this interest? What have people (more than one) who've made a career in this field told you about their training, experience, salaries and the advantages and disadvantages of this career?
What are the admission requirements for the chef's school in New York? What type of programs do they offer, what are the costs, what financial aid is available, and what type of job placement do they provide?
Having this solid information, instead of just a "wanna do" feeling, could convince your parents that your goal of becoming a chef is not some half-baked idea.