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Dear Abby: My husband and I have just completed our dream house. Where we live, the days are warm and sunny, but it can get downright cold in the evenings.

Here's my problem: We have invited my sister, her family, and my mother for Christmas. Mother will be staying with us, and I have told her that she may not smoke in our house. This has created a real furor.My sister thinks I'm being unreasonable because Mother has emphysema, congestive heart failure and bleeding ulcers - and she's an alcoholic and weighs about 90 pounds. She also uses a walker.

We have an outside fireplace on the patio that emits a great deal of heat, and we'd gladly light it for her while she smokes outside.

Abby, am I unreasonable to forbid smoking in my home? My sister and mother have put a real guilt trip on me.

- Smokeless in Arizona

Dear Smokeless: In view of your mother's condition, it's unrealistic to expect her to huddle by an outdoor fireplace to smoke. Perhaps her physician would prescribe nicotine patches to tide her over during her visit with you. Obviously, your mother is very frail, so enjoy her while you can.

Dear Abby: I read the letter signed "Bugged" from the reader who resented having to chip in for the boss's Christmas gift.

Well, Abby, I am the boss, and I have a message for my employees:

Please skip the collection this year. I am already rich because I have a competent staff who make my job a pleasure. Just give me a card with your good wishes for me and my family - and spend your money on your loved ones!

The only gift I want is another year of "bossing" such generous people, and I will consider myself blessed indeed.

Please sign my name. I want these great people to know I mean them.

- Pam Koch, Lawrenceville, N.J.

Dear Pam: What a lovely idea. It's a first. (And something tells me it won't be the last!)

Dear Abby: My husband and I aren't speaking, and I need some unbiased advice.

Our 24-year-old daughter got herself arrested and is sitting in jail because she couldn't come up with her bail. The judge gave her 90 days.

She has been calling, begging us to come down and get her out. She broke a restraining order and will be in jail for Christmas.

My husband and her brothers and sisters all say she needs to learn her lesson, but every time she calls me crying, I get so upset I go to pieces and do whatever it takes to rescue her.

Abby, how can a mother enjoy the holidays knowing her daughter is sitting in jail? Mind you, she has been in trouble many times, but this time, she couldn't get off.

Have you any words of wisdom for me?

- Stressed-Out Mom

Dear Mom: Yes. One of her problems was knowing that her family would always come to her rescue. Let her sit.