Question: I had a really big crush on one of my really good guy friends ever since I met him nine or 10 months ago. About a couple of months ago, he started asking me to go to the movies or skating with him. I really hoped something was going to happen. We never went out. Something ALWAYS managed to pop up. So our platonic friendship continued.
Anyway, I started to lose interest in him a LITTLE bit. Recently he told me that he is going out with some other girl. Nowadays, whenever I hear the slightest thing that reminds me of him, I feel like bursting into tears (and if I'm alone, I will). I've been looking at other guys; I even have a crush on a couple of them. But whenever his name pops into my head, I become a weeping willow. What's happening to me? And what can I do to stop it?- From `Weeping Willow'
Answer: From Carrie Dietlein, Michelle Gies, Elizabeth Deruiter and Jason Kralik, high school panelists from Michigan Lutheran Seminary, Saginaw, Mich.: It will be hard and sometimes painful, but you need to get over this guy. Your pain will eventually go away. Find something new and exciting to do to take your mind off of him. Get out and meet some new people. If he likes someone else, that will help you see that it just wasn't meant to be for you guys. Right now you will have to get on with your life because you are cheating yourself out of a lot of fun.
Answer: From Pat and David: It's not doing you any good to keep how you feel a secret. We suggest that at an appropriate time - when you're talking as friends and when he's not deeply involved in another relationship - you let him know you'd like to try again to go out.
If you believe you aren't ready to do this, consider talking with a counselor who may be able to help you better understand your tears and also help you develop your self-confidence.
Question: I need some answers quick. I'm 161/2 years old. I've known (my best friend) for almost seven years.
Her boyfriend broke up with her because he thinks I was trying to set her up with another guy. He also thinks that I was spreading lies about him.
I have not said anything about them. If I would, they would be the first to know. She knows I would never do anything to break them up. Now she said I'm going to get sweet revenge because she wants to break me up with my boyfriend. How can I tell her I'm sorry for whatever I did? I don't want to lose a friend over something that makes no sense. I need some answers right away.
- From `Getting Hurt by
Best Friend' in Kansas
Answer: From Carrie Dietlein, Michelle Gies, Elizabeth Deruiter and Jason Kralik, high school panelists from Michigan Lutheran Seminary, Saginaw, Mich.: As soon as possible, talk to your friend's ex-boyfriend because this is the source of the problem. Get everything straight with him.
Next, explain the situation to your friend and tell her that you're sorry for any misunderstanding. If this girl really is your true friend, then she will believe you over a guy. At your age, friendships are more important than guys.
Last of all, make sure YOUR boyfriend knows what is going on and is aware of what things he may hear!
Answer: From Pat and David: Where's truth? Your story opens up several possibilities.
Did your best friend want to make her boyfriend jealous, so she said you wanted to set her up with someone else? Did her idea backfire when her boyfriend bolted and now she wants to cover up her mistake?
Did your best friend's boyfriend want to dump your best friend but didn't know how, so he made up a heck of a story with you as the villain?
Did you say something that has been misunderstood and blown out of proportion?
Or did something else happen that we don't know about?
Before you throw away a long-lasting friendship, you and your best friend need to talk. It might help to have a third party there, like a counselor or youth leader, who could help separate facts from fiction, discover if any honest misunderstandings took place, and identify who (if anyone) deserves to be written off or receive an apology.
Write to Talk to us, c/o Pat and David, Universal Press Syndicate, 4900 Main St., Kansas City, MO 64112.