I went and got Roseanne Arnold's autograph Monday night.
Not that this was something I was really dying to do. But the editors wanted a story about Arnold being in town to sign copies of her latest autobiography, "My Lives." And because the television mega-star didn't want to talk to members of the press, buying the book and standing in line for an autograph was the only way to get a story.(What with some of the, shall we say, less-than-kind comments Arnold has made about Salt Lake City in the past, it's little wonder she wasn't interested in facing a bunch of local reporters.)
So I stood in line for an hour and a half with several hundred other people - predominantly women, but all types ranging from newborn babies accompanied by their parents to silver-haired grandmothers - at A Woman's Place bookstore at Foothill Village. (Roseanne was a fashionable half hour late, arriving about 7:30 p.m.)
"Are you a fan?" one nice young woman asked me.
I responded sort of non-commitally. (Must have been some hidden streak of journalist making a sudden appearance.)
`Well, I'm endangering my marriage to be here tonight," she continued. "My husband hates Roseanne."
The sitcom star does have a tendency to evoke strong emotions, one way or the other.
When I finally got close enough to see what was going on, I was caught by surprise. Twice.
First, Roseanne's husband, Tom (who has a sitcom of his own), was sitting beside her, signing his autograph next to hers.
And second, to all appearances, the Arnolds were the happiest, most congenial couple on the face of the Earth.
That second surprise was a shock to quite a number of those standing in line.
"I can't believe this," said a nearby teenager. "This isn't what I expected at all."
After all, in "My Lives" Roseanne not only alleges that she was physically and sexually abused by her parents, but she basically tells everyone who has ever crossed her exactly where to go.
Which is not to say that those standing in line Monday night were expecting Roseanne to scream at them as she signed their books.
However, television's biggest star does have sort of a reputation. And it isn't exactly a reputation for pleasant chats, smiling for pictures and showing a particular interest in small children.
But that's exactly what Roseanne did, going out of her way to be friendly and make all those autograph seekers feel at home.
"Hi, how ya doing?" was her constant refrain. And if it was a youngster before her, Roseanne would positively beam as she said, "Hey, you're cute. What's your name?"
(The star looked pretty good herself. Roseanne's new post-dieting, post-plastic surgery appearance was the subject of no little comment among those standing in line.)
Tom Arnold was just as congenial, calling almost everyone "buddy" and thanking everybody for coming by.
Tom and Roseanne, two of television's most controversial personalities, weren't out to provoke any controversy on Monday. When one man told Roseanne it was nice to have her back in Utah, the star's immediate reply was, "Good to be back."
When it finally came my turn to get the book signed, I asked something inane like - Was Roseanne enjoying signing all those hundreds of books?
"Yeah, I love meeting all these people," she replied. And her actions indicated she really meant it.
So I left the bookstore with not only an autographed copy of "My Lives," but with a rather different impression of Roseanne than the one I arrived with.