When I've felt powerless and wanted to raise my self-esteem, I've gossiped. When I can let others know about what's going to happen or what just happened, I feel important and in control.
It's also a way I've dealt with hurt feelings or anger. Gossip is one way to get even.But it doesn't work - it doesn't improve the situation or my self-esteem. So I've made a concerted effort to banish it from my behavior.
There's an old story about a woman who'd gossiped, confessed it to a priest and asked for forgiveness. Her penance was to release 5,000 feathers to the wind and then retrieve them. The moral of the story, of course, is that you never know where your gossip will land.
The golden rule of communication is: Anything you say to one human being may become common knowledge.
I remember consoling a friend who had jokingly told her secretary that the secretary could ride on the yacht my friend was going to buy with the settlement she'd get when she sued her boss for harassment. You can imagine my friend's reaction when her boss repeated the conversation to her verbatim, without the humor.
My friend had felt wronged by her boss and had used the comment to release her anger in what she thought was a humorous way. Her boss never did understand her motivation. Their relationship never quite recovered.
Eliminating the habit requires work. Start with a decision to change your behavior. You have to decide you really want things to be different before you set about making them that way.
If your gossip stems from hurt feelings or unresolved anger, it's essential to acknowledge the underlying emotions that are creating the behavior. I recommend free-form writing. Write everything that is bugging you; when you read it back, you may be surprised to determine the real cause. When you see it in writing you may also be able to laugh at yourself.