Facebook Twitter



America's freelance moralists have something new to froth about.

Scientists are teaming up with marketers to produce products guaranteed to move people in ways they cannot control.The ugliest and most repellent man will attract the world's most beautiful women. Women can forget diets, makeup and haute couture. Men will grovel at their feet.

Employers can cram workers into horrid sweat shops - and make them like it.

The Dallas Cowboys, who may already be using the stuff, can put the fear of Vince Lombardi into their opponents and coast to a third Super Bowl.

Guns will be passe. The acrimonious Second Amendment argument over the right to keep and bear arms will become meaningless. Invisible self-defense products will cause muggers, carjackers and bullies to collapse into quivering piles of Jell-O.

Lawyers can become lovable. Lazy employees can get raises. With the right chemical in the right product, anyone will be able to control or influence the behavior of others. What's more, the people whose behavior is being influenced will have no idea why they suddenly feel warm and fuzzy, frightened or sexually aroused.

One such product is already on the market. It's in a perfume called Realm. This new perfume opens up a new realm of possibilities for other products.

It's interesting that this newly discovered chemical was put in perfume. It cannot be smelled. It is completely odorless. It cannot be detected by any of the five senses - smell, touch, taste, sight or sound.

This newly discovered chemical stimulates a newly discovered human organ, the Vomeral Nasal Organ, or VNO for short. VNOs provide humans with a sixth sense. This is not conjecture or theory. It's fact. It's here. It's now. And it always has been. We just didn't know it.

It seems a little late to be discovering unknown human organs. But human arrogance has the capacity to override logic and common sense in the same way the newly discovered chemicals trigger receptors in VNOs that alter human behavior.

Paul Hoffman, editor of Discover magazine, reported on the discovery of this human organ on the MacNeil/Lehrer Newshour. VNOs, he said, are actually a rediscovery. Located in a tiny pit about a half inch into each nostril, VNOs were noted by a Dutch military surgeon in 1703. They again were noted in the mid-1930s by researchers of human embryos. Each time VNOs were noticed in humans, they were ignored.

Even when the first pheromone (fur-uh-moan) in animals was discovered in the late 1930s, and after a generation of scientists made careers out of studying pheromones and and probing VNOs in a great variety of insects and animals, no one attempted to connect the animal studies with humans.

In the 1960s an anatomy professor in Utah isolated chemical extracts of human skin cells and noticed that a particular flask of odorless skin cell extracts caused his normally irritable workers to become blissful and cooperative. Busy with other projects, he froze the extracts. Thirty years later he thawed it out. It still produced the same behavior.

His colleagues peeked up 200 human noses. What do you know? Each and every nose had a VNO. Hoffman said the scientists then exposed a number of VNOs to the professor's odorless skin extracts and observed "VNO nerves firing like the Fourth of July." Human pheromones became fact.

The professor's extract now is in a perfume. Who knows what's next now that we know humans emit and receive the same sort of odorless airborne chemicals that control the sexual behavior and social interactions of other animals.

My sixth sense caught a whiff of lawyers, politicians, moralists and money.