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AIR-BRAINED IDEAS

"Get Smart" producer Leonard Stern was sorting some memos collected from network producers over the years when that little light bulb went off, and the new book "A Martian Wouldn't Say That!" was born. Here, some excerpts as found in Entertainment Weekly:

--From a VP to a writer: "We cast a black actor as our lead, but the way you've written the dialogue, you can't tell." Writer's reply: "That's what we intended!" VP response: "Okay, but how will the audience know he's black?"--"This draft doesn't work. Unfortunately the script is strikingly similar to the material from which it was draftedd."

--"It is too gruesome and unsympathetic to have Martin murdered while hooked up to life-support systems. Wait until he recovers, THEN KILL HIM."

--"The Sons of Italy are pressuring us to not have all the gangsters on 'The Untouchables' portrayed as Italian. Coud you change the name of Rocco Balboni to Seth Balboni?"

--"Please change 'the jeep is loaded and ready' to 'the jeep is packed and ready' to avoid the implication of drinking."

--"On page 7, Ed Norton says 'va-va-va-voom.' Before wee can give clearance, what does it mean in English?"