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DIVORCED DADS NOT ALWAYS VICTIMS

Ron Jorgensen's bitter post-divorce feelings regarding custody to mothers and child support payments in general have been published in both Salt Lake papers. In the Deseret News, (Forum, Aug. 30) he said divorced men are victims; politicians seek personal gain by favoring mothers in divorce cases; the judicial system is gender-biased and only interested in female protectionism; the courts are inept by not awarding custody to the parent who earns the most; custody to the mother is a false dogma that violates God's plan.

He wants the courts to grant automatic joint custody. He forgets that the overwhelming cause of divorce is called irreconcilable differences. This means that at least one of the parents is unwilling to or incapable of change in order to ensure a functioning family unit. For joint custody to work, the courts have to see if the parents are willing to make it work. When bickering and resentment are evident, it is obvious that joint custody can never be in the best interest of the children.If the divorced father can see the natural extraordinary bonding that occurs between the minor child and mother and can accept this, he is headed in the right direction. If he views his children as something other than a financial investment or deduction, this too will assist him in getting on with his life. If he fulfills his moral obligation and unbegrudgingly pays his child support, automatically increases this amount as his earnings rise as hers drops (as usually does), he will be able to hold his head high.

Most importantly, if he drops the victim act and devotes his parenting skills to his children by eliminating resentment, the rewards will be more than he dreamed.

Dennis Kostecki

Holladay