I was walking along the park path when I heard a whirring sound and a honking cry like a Canada goose in distress: "Awk ur eft!"
Before I could figure it out, I was nearly run down by two speeding bicyclists.They'd been yelling, "On your left!" - the cry of all bicyclists, and I don't mean motorcyclists. I'd rather face a hundred Harley riders than a brace of bicyclists.
Harley riders have manners. Some cyclists are rude and proud of it.
My peaceful walk was ruined. It's hard to contemplate the fall colors when the quiet is broken by shrill cries of "On your left!" and "Passing!" and you have to jump out of the way of some princeling on an overpriced mountain bike.
There's a war going on in the park paths between the bicyclists and the in-line skaters.
Like the Old West battles between the sheepherders and the ranchers, this is a war over land use. But deep down, it's about philosophy.
I'm for the bladers. I like them better. Let other people complain clumsy skaters ran into them or strayed into their lane.
Not me. Bladers courteously skate around me when I'm walking.
But cyclists act as if I should be honored to be run down by the finest suspension racing bikes. They also believe shouting something as they whiz by absolves them from pedestrian safety.
Funny. I like a lot of cyclists when they're not riding. I blame the bikes. They are designed for smooth rides. But they seem to produce big jerks.
In this war, both sides can have image problems. Cyclists see skaters as airheads. For them, in-line skating is a mindless sunshine sport, a body show where Lycra-clad skaters blast their brains with music.
"If skaters get hit, it's their fault," a cyclist said. "They play their music so loud, they can't hear us."
The skaters think cyclists are smug snobs, more obsessed with pricey machines than honest outdoor exercise.
"How much of a workout can you get on a paved path with a 24-speed mountain bike?" sneered a skater. "We're the real athletes. Bikers would get more exercise jogging to the icebox for a beer."
The skater-cyclist war is also about money. In-line skaters have to work hard to spend $300, from wheels to Walkman.
That's just a start for a bicyclist. Go for mountain bikes with aluminum frames and Rock Shox, and you're talking $1,000 easy.
Now the war is international. In London, in-line skaters have been banned from several parks after a skater and a cyclist collided. The bicyclist died. According to news reports, he wasn't wearing a helmet.
"We should love each other. We're both athletic and interested in the outdoors," said Sharon Morgan. She sells cardio-vascular devices for heart surgery. She also goes in-line skating almost every day.
"It's a big, fat mess. Bikers are mean and superior. They hog the path. When they force you off, they always shoot back, `It's called a BIKE path.'
"If I could skate on the street I would. But you can only Rollerblade on smooth asphalt or cement. Streets are too uneven.
"And these cyclists are not on average-Joe bikes. They are on $1,000 mountain bikes. They can ride over logs and rocks. Yet they yell at me to get out their way. My worst fear is a cyclist will hit me. I'm more afraid of a bike than a car."
Skater-cyclist animosity is so open, each side must declare itself and denounce enemy abuses. When Sharon told a client she was a skater, he told her about a bicyclist friend who was badly hurt by a careless in-line skater. Worse, the skater left the injured man on the path.
"It wasn't you, was it?" he asked. Sharon hoped he was kidding.
Dr. Eric Berla is a bicyclist who lost by a nose. On a path crowded with skaters and cyclists, a bicyclist brought low his fellow cyclist.
"I hit his rear wheel and went down," Eric said. "The cyclist kept going. I had blood all over. The end of my nose was hanging off."
I think Eric's new profile has a lot of character. His assessment of the situation is also distinguished. He blames the bicyclist even though there were in-line skaters on the path.
"I think the problem is not biker versus Rollerblader. It's really the amateurs versus the serious," he said.
I have this fantasy when my walk is interrupted by a flock of honking cyclists:
The bicyclists are riding on the path. As they approach, I shout, "Awk ur eft!"
While they're trying to figure out what I'm saying, I stick out my arm.