Dear Abby: I am the only living parent of a 26-year-old professional son I'll call "Charles." He lives in another state and wants me to visit him soon.
Charles confessed that he has told his friends and business associates that I have several college degrees and hold a much higher position in the company I work for. He claims he had to build me up in order to gain their acceptance, and when I come to visit him, I will have to back him up.It is obvious that my son is ashamed of me and doesn't realize that whatever he says can be checked, and his being exposed as a liar would be far more embarrassing than having a less-than-prestigious background.
I've told Charles in no uncertain terms that I refuse to visit him until he sets the record straight. He has flatly refused to do so.
Abby, I may not have the "pedigree" my son would like me to have, but I have to live with myself, and I am standing firm in my decision.
I can't discuss this with my family or friends because I fear they would think less of my son were I to expose him for the shallow, deceitful person he is.
Please advise me.
- His Mother
Dear Mother: My hat is off to you. How unfortunate that your son felt it necessary to lie to his business associates and friends in order to impress them.
Your determination to be totally truthful far exceeds any "degrees" or lofty positions you might have attained. Your saying that you have to live with yourself reminds me of this poem I memorized when I was in my teens:
MYSELF
by Edgar Guest
I have to live with myself, and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know;
I want to be able as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men's respect;
But here in this struggle for fame and pelf,
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to think as I come and go
That I'm bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me,
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself - and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.