DON'T TOUCH THIS BIRD!

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) remind us not to forget the vegetarians this holiday season.

There are 12 million vegetarians in America, and if you're among 'em, you can call the holiday recipes hotline at 1-800-4-VEG-FOOD.

Believe us, they won't talk turkey!

TURKEY DAY IN NEW YAWK

Still time to hop a plane for Thanksgiving dinner being served at New York's legendary Waldorf-Astoria.

Beginning at noon in the Waldorf's "Peacock Alley" restaurant, an elegant four-course meal (accompanied by harp music) prepared by Chef de Cuisine Laurent Manrique will be presented - $95 for adults and $47.50 for kiddies, plus tax and a gracious gratuity.

And here's the menu du jour: Fresh Corn Soup with Quenelles of Smoked Salmon, Crabmeat Salad with Celery Roots, Roast Breast of Turkey with Foie Gras stuffing, Lightly (not Heavily) Smoked Salmon with Sweet Potatoes, Bitter Chocolate Tartelette, Croustade of Apples and Prunes in Armagnac.

Sounds just like the Thanksgivings mom used to whip up!

GIVE ME GRAVY ON MY MASHED POTATOES

What a great '60s tune! But who wants greasy gravy?

The key is to remove as much fat as you can from the drippings before adding your gravy thickener.

A gravy separator really does the trick, but if you don't have one, here's a great tip from Cooking Light magazine: Degrease drippings by pouring the cooled drippings into a large zip-top heavy-duty plastic bag. The fat will rise to the top.

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Snip off a small corner of the bag and drain drippings into a large bowl, stopping before the fat layer reaches the opening. You're then all set to make your own favorite gravy recipe.

EDIBLE EXAGGERATION

"Nouvelle cuisine roughly translated means `I can't believe I spent $96 and I'm still hungry!' "

- Mike Kalina

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